May the 4th be with you bros on Star Wars Day 2015. On this holiday, in which Star Wars fans across the world rejoice, we’re going to recount the 10 worst possible ways to die in the Star Wars universe.
This is a definitive list. You are not allowed to argue it, contest it, debate it, or disagree. Serious scientific research was done in creating this list. It was a trying period, in which I watched all 6 movies without moving. I put on a diaper, iced down beers in a cooler, and reveled in my own drunken filth to bring you this list.
Just kidding. But that weirdly sounds like an awesome time, and something I might have to do in the very near future. Without further ado, I give you the 10 worst ways to die in the Star Wars universe.
10. The Death Star
Sure, having your entire planet destroyed by a gigantic freaking laser beam sucks. But the death at least goes quick, and everyone else is dying with you. There’s some sort of weird solace to that.
9. Lightsaber chopping your head off
The worst thing that sucks about a lightsaber chopping your head off is that you sucked so much that you let your guard down. Seriously, how the fuck do you let your guard down enough to allow a lightsaber to get anywhere near your neck? Do better, man.
Everything suggests the death from a lightsaber would be quick and painless, but people remembering you for being the guy who let his guard down sure as hell wouldn’t be.
8. Death by Blaster
Death from a shot by a Blaster by all accounts seems like it would go pretty quickly, with a little bit of pain. The worst thing about it, is that the person shooting might not have even meant to kill you. Their just firing away, so smart ass Jedi deflects it with his lightsaber, and just happens to cut you down. Sucks to suck.
7. Force choke.
Holy shit would a Force choke suck. We’re starting to get into the stuff that would be 0 fun at all. Remember when Vader Force choked that dude? He was nowhere close to him, and just decided, “Yeah you go ahead and stop breathing for a while. You’ve been dumb.” I’d hate to be on the receiving end of that shit.
6. Space Slug
Imagine, you’re flying the Millenium Falcon and escaping some Empire destroyers. You decide to hide on an asteroid, because you figure those crazy fucks won’t follow you there. You’re feeling slick as fuck thinking you’re inside a cave. In reality, you’re about to get eaten as an appetizer by a space slug. Fuck that. This way of dying sucks solely because you thought you were free and clear.