The 5 Biggest Bro Moments In ‘Baywatch’ History
It’s damn nearly impossible to shoot the shit on 1990s television without getting nostalgic about a little show called Baywatch.
Real women (silicon excluded), real action, and some real bros-in a bro-steps-up-to-the- plate-for-the-human-race kind of way. Babes, their slow-motion bodies and kick-ass bro moments, oh my!
During a network TV run that lasted a whopping 11 seasons, Baywatch whipped up more than its fair share of “holy shit, did he just do that” moments of testicular fortitude.
“More To Love” Chump Gets Less Of It On Mitch’s Sand
In what was arguably the most intense chase scene in scripted programming, it was our boy Mitch who ultimately came to Garner and the LAPD’s rescue.
Despite being on a quad, Garner gets absolutely smoked by a fleeing heavyset criminal — who knew a man with that much “more to love” could have so much fucking endurance?!
However, what that sadly-mistaken criminal didn’t realize is that he was running right into a world of pain known as The Hoff. It wasn’t even a contest, as the man who evidently could’ve given Carl Lewis a run for his money, was no match for a chillaxing Mitch — who tackles the bandana-wearing chubster into shallow water and counter punches the chump in the process.
If the LAPD can’t catch the derelicts meandering the beaches of LA country, then somebody else has to do it. Why the hell not The Hoff? Just don’t feed the man cheeseburgers and booze beforehand. Regardless, nobody steps foot on Mitch’s sand without being a law abiding citizen and gets away with it. Not this guy, not anyone!
Hobie Takes A Stand For Man’s Best Friend
A real bro isn’t only a man of the people, but also a man of man’s best friend. Hobie deserves the credit for this one (well, um… the one who played him before Jeremy Jackson did) for rescuing a dog from euthanization in this Season One installment.
It was a beautiful day on the beach when the dog’s owner Lisa started throwing shade at poor little Hobe. Luckily for Rocky’s future, Hobie saw right through the young gal’s bitch ‘tude and proceeded to pry for what was really going on.
Turns out the pooch was on the brink of nonexistence for having sunk his canines into the family’s asshole neighbor.
In a move that would most certainly have gotten an “atta boy” from Anne Frank herself, Hobie took matters into his own hands by putting the dog and Lisa into hiding with him.
The operation didn’t last long though, as The Hoff eventually caught on to his sneaky ways. Fortunately for all involved, this isn’t Germany, and Hobie was able to stick to his guns and convince his dad to let him keep the dog.
The Hoff Makes The Cliff & Rocks His Bitch
In the next clip, it’s Season Six and Mitch is up to his usual life-saving antics. Only this time, he apparently feels the need to showboat — Not once, but twice, he saves a single person’s life in one sitting.
Prior to pulling a life-saving encore, Mitch struggles to prevent Matt from looking to the bottom of a steep waterfall.
But you guessed it! The disoriented pretty boy does just the opposite and finds himself sliding down a set of slippery rocks and ultimately the cliff. This sends Mitch on a mad descent to catch Matt before he goes sayonara.
The Hoff makes the slippery rocks he’s climbing down his bitch, grabbing a hold of Matt in what appears to be the end of the ordeal.
However, just when you thought the fat lady was ready to sing, shit hits the fan even harder. From the top of the cliff, Matt does a backwards free fall right back into base of the fastly flowing waters.
This is when our boy, The Hoff, ups the ante and swan dives to the bottom. A truly, epic “holy shit” sight to see. Hell of a save Hoff, hell of a double save!
We Unknowingly Witnessed “Aquaman” In Training
The following bro moment comes by way of ass-kicker Jason Momoa. Best known for his role as the lead in Conan the Barbarian (and Game of Thrones), and a shit-ton less familiar from his two seasons on Baywatch from 1999 to 2001.
It was the latter part of Season 11 when Jason (not the neanderthalesque-type chick magnet he is today) loses sight of his love interest Terri on the beach. Upon locating her, he pleads with her to quit taking photos near the dangerous crashing waves.
Terri appears to be shooting, literally, for some sort of killer Kodak moment, at all costs.
Before Terri can say “my fine ass is getting pulled in,” she falls backwards and plummets deep into the turbulent waters.
As luck (and TV script formatting) would have it, an underwater rock stops Terri from getting sucked further in, buying a baby-faced Momoa just enough time to pull her out from the grips of the undertow.
Terri goes on to live. Sadly, she loses what appears to be a damn expensive camera. But hey, she’s still got her life, right? Shit… who knew we were seeing the early signs of an Aquaman in the making?
Hulkamania Runs Wild… On The Beach
Bash At The Beach Season 6: Flair taking over property…closing down gym. (Venice Boards Athletic Center)
You can’t do a bro moment piece without the man himself, Hulk Hogan. And you sure as heck can’t have a Hulkster moment in the mid-90s without “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair being in it.
Hogan needed more than his vitamins and prayers in this one to make it out of the Pacific Ocean alive in the American drama’s Bash At The Beach episode.
Being that good ol’ C.J. brought the then-WCW star back to life, he certainly had to return the favor by helping her and company save the Venice Boards Athletic Center from being taken over; especially since it was a place he graced as a kid — so the storyline went.
Turns out Flair was the one looking to take over the property. In the name of the children and our favorite Baywatchers, Hogan and the late Macho Man Randy Savage agree to take on Big Van Vader and the Nature Boy, respectively. On the condition that Hogan’s side wins both matches, Flair would step away altogether from purchasing it.
Savage ends up making fairly quick work of Flair, and Hogan prevails against Vader inside the confines of a steel cage; on a beach no less!
Whatcha gonna do, brother (uh um… bro), when the largest arms in the world run wild on you?! In Naitch and Vader’s case, not a damn thing!
There you have it, bros! Let this be a lesson: the beach isn’t all about the sunshine and babes. It’s also about putting your ass on the line when another human being needs it! If I may quote the great Sylvester Stallone, “That’s How Winning Is Done;” especially on a little show called Baywatch.