When I read the “Hunger Games” trilogy, I was riveted…until I got to the third book and it became a little too boring. The feud between Katniss and President Snow got a little too WHO GIVES A SHIT? Obviously the story had to end in all of the Districts growing a dick and fighting for their freedom, but did it have to be such a slog to get there? They should have just dumped Katniss into the shit and started “Then Hunger Games: Mockingjay” right from that point.
Here’s how that could have gone…
*Katniss gets off plane in some shit hole district, looking exhausted from the latest Hunger Games*
GALE: “Hey Katniss, great job not dying again. While you were gone all the districts decided to revolt and SURPRISE, you’re our leader. Here’s your bow. Let’s go kill Snow. Oh, by the way, are we still weird, like, sexually?”
KATNISS: “Cool. Snow sucks. And you know it’s complicated, Gale. Don’t make it weird. I mean, Peeta is standing right here.”
GALE: “Oh shit, I didn’t see the little guy.” *Pets Peeta’s head*
PEETA: “Yeah, Gale. I’m right here. I matter.”
GALE: “Shut it, douche.” *Turns to Katniss and gives her the universal sign for pussy eating.*
*Katniss, Gale and Peeta then go on their journey to kill President Snow while having to overcome some minor hardships along the way. During the final firefight, President Snow is murdered with a arrow through his Adam’s apple. Sadly, President Snow isn’t the only casualty of the day. Somehow, Gale peppered Peeta to death with what he says was “accidental friendly fire.” Although Peeta’s body is littered with bullet holes, Katniss believes Gale. So they go off into the woods and fuck. The sex scene lasts 45 mins, it’s hella graphic. Credits roll.*
Yep. Nailed it.