A Petition Is Dedicated to Making ‘Party in the USA’ Our National Anthem, Which We Do Not Support


It should go without saying that many weird petitions make it to the executive office: One notable resolution, which garnered a hilarious response from an administration figure named Paul Shawcross, asked the United States to build and complete a Death Star by 2016. It was denied; costs would approach $850,000,000,000,000,000. This particular “Party in the USA” number will also probably will never land on the president’s desk. Putting aside the fact that it’s an idiotic idea, there are currently only 574 signatures attached.

You know, it’s not unpatriotic to discuss changing the National Anthem. While there are few songs capable of stirring the ‘Merican heartstrings quite like a well-performed “Star Spangled Banner,” that statement, in and of itself, is the problem: You have probably heard far, far more bad renditions, butchered by county fair beauty pageant runners-up and precocious third-graders, than you’ve heard singers who managed to through those brutal last few notes without choking on air. For every Whitney Houston, there are a dozen Steven Tylers. It’s a very hard song, and, let’s face it, the lyrics reference a war 40% of our country probably can’t date.

“Party in the USA” isn’t really the answer to the “Banner’s” woes, though.

Just throwing these two out there: