7 Of The Most Badass Man Crates To Splurge On For Yourself Or Your Best Bros

man crates bacon

Man Crates

Have you ever dreamed of getting a gift so manly you had to open it with a crowbar? Of course you haven’t. But now that such a thing is available you may want to add it to your wish list – as well as to a go-to gift for your best bros.

It’s simple enough; just a sealed wooden crate filled with bro-approved goodies. Get your laser-etched crowbars (which come included) ready, because here are seven of the sweetest Man Crates that you’ll want to purchase right now.

Old School Crate

Remember what it was like being a kid opening up a new toy or getting molar-deep into a mound of candy? This retro crate is packed full of anything a kid – or a kid at heart – could want, including but not limited to: a slinky; a yo-yo; a Pez Dispenser with extra Pez; Pop Rocks; Big League Chew; Cry Babies; Nerds; and Now and Laters. Hours of fun and many a cavity await the recipient of this fine gift.

Get it here now for $74.99

Super Retro Gamer Crate

Speaking of old-school, nothing says it quite like a Nintendo Entertainment System. Vintage in name only, this is a modern iteration, a “RetroDuo” 8- and 16-bit portable console capable of playing both NES and SNES games. It comes with: an NES adapter, HDTV cables and controller adapter, plus two randomly selected SNES games. Oh, and also enough candy to put you into a throbbing sugar craze.

Get it here now for $149.99

Cowpocalypse Crate

Men and meat go together like women and salads… is the most sexist food-related thing one could ever utter if they were so inclined. So let’s get the bad taste out of our mouths with delicious beef jerky in the flavors of lime, garlic chili pepper, teriyaki, original and more, bestowed upon your beef-lovin’ bro across a dozen separate snack- and meal-replacement-sized packages. Unleash the beast within.

Get it here now for $109.99

Personalized Whiskey Crate

If you’re buying for the shots/shots/shots/shots/shots type whiskey guy, you may want to pass and go with something a bit more in line with his to-the-face lifestyle choices. But if you know the sippin’ type, this might be the perfect gift. It comes with plenty of gear and grub: two personalized, heavy-bottom glasses two ice sphere molds; two slate coasters; a whiskey drinking journal; spiced peppercorn peanuts; salted pistachios; cranberry pecans; and the choice of an optional black matte flash for an extra $25.

Get it here now for $99.99

Premium Hot & Spicy Crate

If you know someone who fancies themselves a hot sauce connoisseur or who has a boatload of testosterone coursing through his taste buds, the premium hot & spicy crate is the way to go. It’s got three hot sauces with descriptors like “scorpion,” “reserve” and “ghost chili,” plus ghost pepper beef jerky, Pain is Good brand nuts and Jolokia potato chips. Super-tasters need not apply.

Get it here now for $89.99

Zombie Survival Crate

We all seem to know a dude who either ventures out into the woods, or hunkers down into his makeshift bomb shelter-slash-basement apartment every chance he gets. How are we to offer our sincere concern for his well-being, both physical and mental without coming across like a nagging mother? We get him a badass gift to assuage our worries – a crate filled with survival tools made for a zombie invasion, but good enough for everyday badassery. Comes with a first aid kit, flashlight, zombie survival guide, duct tape, a can of survival Spam and a goddamn mini-machete.

Get it here now for $99.99

The Bacon Crate

Sweet, smoky and ever-alluring, the flavor of bacon permeates the pulse of the modern food culture because we welcome it with open arms. The bacon crate knows exactly what you want just short of freshly-griddled bacon in the A.M. It’s stocked with two flavors of bacon jerky, plus bacon-flavored: sunflower seeds; two types of popcorn, peanut brittle; and salt.

Get it here now for $59.99