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Fire Basket, $200
Now that spring has come and gone in the span of a week, you may want something to keep you warm while society falls apart during our next Ice Age. The Fire Basket should do the trick.
/looks outside, sees sunlight
Okay. Let’s get optimistic. Things are going to get better weather-wise, and the Fire Basket will be perfect for those nights spent with a few friends, getting lit in more ways than one. It’s made tough, with a three-piece composition of oxidized steel. And unlike your run-of-the-mill fire pit, the Fire Basket is portable, so it’ll be perfect for both the beach and the patio.
(Or the Ice Age apocalypse.)
For the really passionate beer nerds: Balcones Distilling is selling used five-gallon barrels, aged with whiskey for six months, to age your homebrews. Because it’s been coated with the good stuff, it won’t give your beer an overwhelmingly oaken flavor like a new barrel. Just delicious, whiskey-flavored stouts.
Letters of Note, $30
One of the best blogs of the last few years finally gets a book. Letters of Note tries to find “correspondence deserving of a wider audience,” and the result is never boring: think messages sent between generals, politicians, rock stars and even murderers, all of which provide way better insight into historical figures and their time and place than reading a dry textbook.
And if anything, it also shows that writing a kickass letter is a lost art. Take this one, sent from Kurt Vonnegut to a backwards school administrator who had Vonnegut’s books burned for “obscenity.”
If you were to bother to read my books, to behave as educated persons would, you would learn that they are not sexy, and do not argue in favor of wildness of any kind. They beg that people be kinder and more responsible than they often are. It is true that some of the characters speak coarsely. That is because people speak coarsely in real life. Especially soldiers and hardworking men speak coarsely, and even our most sheltered children know that. And we all know, too, that those words really don’t damage children much. They didn’t damage us when we were young. It was evil deeds and lying that hurt us.
You have insulted me, and I am a good citizen, and I am very real.
Anyway, the book will be good.
Secret App, $Free
Secret isn’t really new, but it’s finally starting to reach the wider audience it needs to work appropriately. The app taps into your social networks and allows you to anonymously share with friends your sometimes-unconventional thoughts and feelings—think “I enjoy the smell of my hangover farts”—then, the popular ideas are shared with your friends’ friends.
Anyway, if you want confirmation that everyone you know is just as weird as you, and you don’t feel like drugging everyone you know, Secret is for you.
Scratch-n-Sniff Jeans, $158
If you really, really fear the dankness that comes with jeans you never wash, manufacturer Naked & Famous claims to have the solution. Scratch these jeans and they emit a mint smell. It lasts up to five wash cycles.
Become the human Tic-Tac! Everyone will love you.
Mizuno JPX-EZ Irons, $900
We gave away a set of these bad boys this week, but I’d be remiss to not feature them again because they’re so darn pretty. Mizuno’s JPX-EZ irons boast the most forgiving center of any iron on the market—which the vast majority of golfers need, because let’s face it, we’re not pros with forged clubs—and their ultra pocket cavity’s cause the ball to consistently fly high and long.
I’m also a fan of the flashy (for golf) orange-and-white design. It’s like hitting a Fast and Furious car.
Nike SB Project BA, $95
You can’t hate on Nike’s line of skateboarding kicks. The Project BAs come equipped with a Lunarion midsole and grippy traction (for the board) and durable suede (for your feet) and a fresh colorways (for the girls).
This is an Airstream with a ridiculous tricked-out bar.
Unfortunately, if you want an Airstream with a tricked-out bar, you’re going to have to make it on your own. This is a one-of-a-kind party wagon that’s currently docked in Europe. But I couldn’t not share those photos.
Bugatti Grand Sport Vitesse Black Bess Edition, $2.5 million
If only you could wake up in this new Bugatti. The Grand Sport Vitesse Black Bess Edition pays homage to a legendary pre-war ride, but its engine is futuristic: think a 8-liter W16 that can accelerate from 0-100 km in 2.6 seconds and a maximum speed of 408 km/h with the roof down.
The black-painted carbon fiber exterior features 24-carat gold details and gold-paint accents. And the interior is all about that iconic red-stitching (including a red steering wheel) and solid gold inlays.
Anyway, it should be useful for seeing which rapper is the next to go bankrupt. Tyga! This one is calling for you!
Bremach T-Rex, $120,000
Eh, one more un-buyable thing won’t hurt anyone.
The Bremach T-Rex—just look at that name! that’s how you fucking name a truck—is the newest utility vehicle from longtime manufacturers Bremach, and it just may be their Mona Lisa. Not in the least hindered by an electric motor, the T-Rex boasts 134 horsepower and can travel over just about anything, including 45-degree slopes and three feet of water. It is also capable of hauling up to 7,300 pounds. And it can crush your enemies in its wake.
NOTE: Bremach does not want your enemies crushed in your wake. (But it can happen.)