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Presented in partnership with Christoper Cloos
So you broke the Cardinal Rule of Breakups and checked her social media pages.
The good news is that you are not the first and certainly will not be the last sad sap to go searching for something you aren’t emotionally capable of absorbing.
The bad news is that her feed is littered with photos of her nuzzled up to the strong-jawed personal trainer you linked her up with for 10 sessions as a Christmas gift in 2018. He is an inch taller than you and has a head of hair that would make Jesse Katsopolis blush.
Take a deep breath.
Ok. It’s time to fight fire with fire.
We must shed the Woe Is Me routine and manufacture the sexy, confident man of yesteryear before we fire back your first “felt cute, might delete later” post for her to stew over.
The first thing we’ll need is a pair of elegant, sophisticated sunglasses to prove that you’re capable of properly dressing yourself and also to conceal your red, swollen eyes from your last good cry.
That is where the innovators at Christopher Cloos come in. Heard of them? Tom Brady has. And he liked them enough to be the face of the brand, so I think they’ll do for now.
So without further ado, I present to you: 5 Pairs Of Sunglasses To Flex On Your Ex.
Cloos x Brady — Ristretto
Christopher Cloos
- Premium Biodegradable Italian Acetate
- Polarized CR39 lenses
- Spring hinges that are made to last
- Signature case and cleaning cloth
The Ristretto’s send a strong message to your former lover that you would be heartbroken over your separation if you weren’t sunbathing on a yacht off the coast of Montenegro.
Paloma — Bourbon
Christopher Cloos
- Premium acetate
- Polarized CR39 lenses
- Gold engravings
- Signature case and cleaning cloth
Timeless and classic. Simple, yet elegant. Dress them up or dress them down. Just remember to take them with you before you leave your rebound’s place.
Cloos x Brady — Noire
Christopher Cloos
- Premium Biodegradable Italian Acetate
- Polarized CR39 lenses
- Spring hinges that are made to last
- Signature case and cleaning cloth
Legend has it that the second you put on the Noire’s, your credit score increases 30 points and you suddenly have a nuanced understanding of the burgeoning cryptocurrency industry.
Pampelonne — Bourbon
Christopher Cloos
- Premium acetate
- Polarized CR39 lenses
- Gold engravings
- Signature case and cleaning cloth
“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
-You, to a very intrigued woman
Gouverneur — Noire
Christopher Cloos
- Stainless steel and premium acetate
- Polarized CR39 lenses
- Gold engravings
- Signature case and cleaning cloth
These are just cheat codes. She knows you’re not this attractive.
*Takes off glasses*
*Looks in camera*
Or does she?
This should give you and your mending heart plenty to work with. Remember my internet friend, time heals all.
Next week, we do something about those god awful jean shorts.
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The BroBible team writes about gear that we think you want. Occasionally, we write about items that are a part of one of our affiliate partnerships and we will get a percentage of the revenue from sales.