How Wonderful Would It Be If Brad Pitt Ended Up Courting This Smoking Hot Angelina Jolie Doppleganger?

I know it was a shock to all our systems to learn that a celebrity couple didn’t go the distance. Brangelina lasted all of two years death do us part matrimony, which in celebrity terms, is two decades.

A source close to the two claims that Angelina filed for divorce from Brad after a private investigator she hired revealed that he was cheating on her with Marion Cotillard, the co-star of his upcoming movie Allied. Oh ya, and one or twelve Russian prostitutes as well. The only thing that should surprise you there is that the most handsome man on the planet was paying for sex. Leave that to us dude.

Other than that, I have no sympathy for celebrities who attempt to live the facade of being faithful to one another. The only reason average citizens are faithful is because we’ve got no other option. We’re not presented with the opportunities, and even then the divorce rate is like 89 percent. Call me insensitive or a love scrooge but I can’t muster up the empathy for blind naivety.

When every girl on the planet is dropping her panties when you walk by, sooner or later you’re going to cave. If someone pressed me to do crystal meth every day of my life, I’d currently be typing this from an alley trying to prostitute myself for a fix. I’ve got a little Russian in me too so Brad would definitely try to bone me then. It’s the truth. Look at the data. Or ask Tiger Woods.

Anyway, in the wake of the SHOCKING divorce news, bookies are now presenting gamblers with the option to bet on who Brad Pitt will hook up with next.

If Brad really wants to stick it to Angelina for trying to gain sole custody of their six kids, he’ll pull the ultimate power move, fly to Scotland, and court 25-year-old Chelsea Marr–the biggest Angelina Jolie doppleganger on the planet. Our own Paul Sacca posted about her last year, but there’s no better time to repurpose the content than now.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.