Bella Hadid Rocking A Wedgie Bikini Bottom Is The Best Way To Start The Week

I feel like disgusting today. I ate enough junk food during the Super Bowl yesterday to kill Guy Fieri. I feel like I have a 30 lb. dumbbell in my stomach and I’m pretty sure the size of my bitch tits has doubled in a twelve hour period.

And seeing these pictures of Bella Hadid in a Brazilian-style bikini does not help the confidence. Being reminded that there exists a human being who anyone would be hard-pressed to find a physical flaw is a difficult juxtaposition to my three chins.

They kind of make my eyes hurt. And my liver. Or that ‘s probably just the 49,928 Bud Lights I sucked down while Cam refused to dive for footballs last night.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.