Last season, Chandler Parsons recorded career lows in just about every stat there is–games played (34), points (6.2 per), rebounds (2.5), field goal percentage (33.8%), etc. In Parsons’ defense, knee surgeries have greatly hindered his young career, but don’t tell that to the Memphis Grizzlies, who inked him to a 4-year, $94 million contract through 2020.
But, whatever stats Parsons is lacking on the hardwood, he is making up for with his hardwood. See what I did there? Compared a basketball court to a penis. Are you proud of me yet, dad?
Anyway, it’s no secret that Chandler Parsons goes through women faster than Shia LaBeouf goes through a six pack. Check out the women the 28-year-old has been linked to: Toni Garrn. Hailey Baldwin. Felicia Sanders. Paige Spiranac. Kate Beckinsale. Kendall Jenner. Bella Thorne. Savannah Chrisley. Jen Selter. Abigail Ratchford. My mother, probably.
And the most depressing part: All it takes is one double-tap of his phone.
Welp, the Memphis Grizzlies forward has been spending time with UFC’s prized ring girl, Arianny Celeste, likely after liking one her Instagram pictures with the rest of her 3 million followers. The shot in question features Parsons behind the wheel of his with Celeste’s Instagram handle tagged in the passengers seat. As captured by Terez Owens:
Remember what I said about all it taking is one Instagram like? GOD DAMNIT…
DAMN YOU TO HELL, CHANDLER!
[h/t Terez Owens]