Miami Marlins outfielder Christian Yelich is having a breakout year on the back of a seven-year, $49.57 million contract extension he received in March of last year. The 24-year-old is hitting .318 with seven gomers through the midway point of the season. As the young gun produces more on the field, one can’t help but speculate it positively correlates to his action off the field.
That’s why when Twitter user @RealMarlinsFan shared an 11-second clip within the last 24 hours of someone he claimed was Yelich nose deep in a girl’s fart box, I took his word for it.
When Yelich caught wind (pun so intended) of the tweet, he immediately took to Twitter to post (but then delete) the below:
A false and defamatory video was tweeted about me the past 24hrs. It is 100% not me in the video. My attorneys are looking into it
The @RealMarlinsFan Twitter account has since been deleted, but the clip has been reposted to the Twitter account @Squirters because of course it has. It’s quite the cinematic experience.
Christian, if you’re reading this, I think I can speak for most bros when I say that this is a judgment-free zone. We’ve all been known to wave the freak flag every now and again, and all we’d ask is that you’re honest with us. And if it isn’t you, go out there and stick your face in a buttcrack. You’re a professional athlete for fucks sake!
P.S. Have I been doing it wrong this entire time? Explains a lot.