The Slovakian Prime Minister Hired This Former Topless Model As His Personal Assistant Because Wouldn’t You?

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Robert Fico, the 50 year old Slovakian Prime minister, has recently made the ultimate power move by hiring 28 year old Maria Troskovo, a former Miss Universe contestant and topless model. Convenient, Fico, you dirty dirty dog.

Guys, before you jump to conclusions and call my boy Robert an overly-opportunistic scumbag, maybe it’s possible she’s the right fit for the job. Oh, she has no experience working in the government? No transferable skills? Well, she did study Management at a University. I, too, studied Management at a University and never got a call back about an open position at Denny’s.

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“She was always very popular with the boys but never slept around. She seemed more interested in getting good grades. The modelling was just for some extra cash. I am delighted she has got this job and I am sure she will be excellent at it.”
-Aneta Pitrova, university friend

When I typed “Robert Fico” into Google, I was expecting to see a fat, mouth-breathing slob at the end of his pitiful rope. Instead, the guy’s kind of a stud. Strong jawline, impressive build. If this whole Prime Minister junk doesn’t work out, I can totally see him as a servicable fullback in the NFL. Not for a contender, but for like, the Browns.

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And I can really respect a guy who challenges himself, pushes to be the best version of himself. And what bigger way to challenge yourself than to attempt to run a country with a permanent hard-on? Because personally, I’m a one-track-mind boner type of guy. Some people can focus on the socio-economic well-being of millions of people, but I’m the kind of guy that when I feel that tingle downstairs, I’m locking my bedroom door. Or the stall door at this Whole Foods. Already got my material…

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Aannd I’m done.