From the World of Unknown to This Week’s Hottie Index

Jaimie Alexander


So your first question is obviously: who the fuck is Jaimie Alexander? Your second question is probably: why the fuck does she have two “i”s in her name? Well I’m not sure why her parents incorrectly spelled her name on her birth certificate, but they sure as hell knew what they were doing when they consummated her because the girl is pretty fine. Alexander showed up to the Iron Man 3 premiere looking better than anyone from the actual movie. And unless you’re a Marvel movie buff, you probably don’t realize Alexander is the hot chick from the “Thor” movies. Looks like Peter Facinelli traded up after divorcing Jennie Garth.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Meanwhile, the lead female from “Iron Man 3” was named People’s most beautiful woman this week. I’m not sure if they were trying to compensate because they knew she’d get her ass beat by Alexander on the red carpet, but that’s exactly what happened. I’m not sure what was more alarming, however, between Paltrow being named most beautiful woman, which she obviously isn’t, and finding how that she rocks a 70s style bush on a regular basis. I know Chris Martin is a little weird, but he’s really into that full time? He must not be a fan of diving for clams. I probably would still bang Paltrow despite all that because she does look rather good when dressed up as Pepper Potts.

Becca Tobin

I obviously don’t watch “Glee” and if you’re reading our site, you probably don’t either. Therefore I had no idea who Becca Tobin was until she sprung on the pages of the most recent edition of “Maxim.” Despite being 27, she hasn’t done much big time work until she ended up on “Glee.” I’m not sure if she banged a producer to get on the show, but you can probably understand why a producer might bang her after looking at the “Maxim” spread. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to take a bite out of that cute little ass.

Vivi Pineda


Colombian women have a certain thing about them. My friends tell me the streets of Cartagena are littered with Shakira and Pineda look-a-likes. Pineda provides a glimmer of estrogen in “Pain & Gain,” a movie packed with testosterone where Mark Whalberg, Dwayne Johnson aka “The Rock,” and Anthony Mackie play bodybuilders who get chased by the cops or something. Pineda is one of those cops and we’d all let her chase us around any day. Hopefully she plays for both sides and one of the guys gets her half naked and on her back to make this questionable movie more tolerable.

Selena Gomez

In the search for this week’s fifth hottie, we have Gomez who’s featured more because of her she’s back to fucking these days. It seems Gomez has stupidly gone back to “Bieber Fever” despite the fact that he’s been getting it wet while traveling around Europe on tour. Then she sang a song about him at the MTV upfront. But hey, when are young girls not acting like idiots? Good for Bieber I guess?