Unlike most bullshit food holidays, the Salvation Army created National Doughnut Day in 1938 to honor World War 2 soldiers. Here are six places you can do your patriotic duty by eating a free donut.
Sure donuts only cost a dollar, but there’s something about free that just tastes so much better. I value my time at about a billion dollars an hour, so I won’t be waiting in a long line, but I’m definitely going to give it a shot. Here’s where you can go to get a free donut on National Doughnut Day.
Pick up a free donut of your choice with any drink purchase at any participating Dunkin Donuts. Obviously you should go for the bowtie because you’re getting the maximum amount of donut goodness.
2K is giving away a free doughnut to anyone who walks through the door, and you don’t have to spend a penny to get it. We all know it’s impossible to be satisfied by just one Krispy Kreme doughnut though.
Timmy Hortons is the best thing to come from Canada since Keanu Reeves, but they’re going to make you work for your food. Thankfully all you have to do is say, “Happy National Donut Day,” with any purchase and a free ‘nut is all yours.
For you East Coast ‘nut-lovers, Cumberland Farms is dishing out free one with any coffee or Chill Zone beverage, whatever the hell that is.
For you Southern dough disc jockeys, Shipley Do-Nuts is giving away a free donut and coffee from 7am to 12pm at participating locations. Looks like my fatass needs to head to Texas.
And finally, the Floridiots. Head over to Winn-Dixie, the grocery store version of Walmart, and grab yourself an free oversized donut hole from any of the participating stores’ bakeries.
National Doughnut Day seems fitting to once again share the greatest joke ever told about donuts. Mitch Hedberg’s bit recently appeared on a donut shop receipt. Somehow I doubt any of these six place giving away free donuts will be cool enough to follow suit though.