In last week’s episode of Game of Thrones us fans were thrilled by the introduction of the Night’s King, King of the white walkers. So, what happened in this Season 4 Episode 5’s ‘First of His Name’? Let’s find out who the big winners and losers were in this week’s episode of Game of Thrones.
WINNER: Margaery Tyrell
So what if she’s a widow twice over, thus far we haven’t seen any burning desire within her for actual companionship. All we’ve seen from Margaery is her ruthless will to one day be queen, and now that Tommen’s been named King of the Realm, she’s been promised to Tommen, and once again sees the dream of sitting atop the throne only a fortnight away.
Just LOOK at this baby-faced, cat-loving lil runt of an inbred. With a face that kind, and the subsequent conversation between Cersei and Margaery we’re led to believe that this lil man poses literally no threat, to anyone, ever. Maybe he’ll be a good ruler, maybe not? Things we do know though are that they’re set to be married in a fortnight (14 days), after that Cersei will marry the secretly gay Loras Tyrell, Margaery Tyrell continues to wield the most bomba$$ punani in all the realms, as she’s gone from King to King to boy King.
Finally! The news she’s been waiting for: King Joffrey has choked to death, and Westeros is once again seemingly vulnerable for her reclaiming. This logic is sort of lost on me, because this episode opens up with King Tommen being sworn to the Iron Throne, so it’s not exactly like people are running around like chickens with their heads cut off. In theory nothing has changed: an inbred Lannister is sitting ruling the Iron Throne. I get why they think there will be some tumult, but I personally just don’t see it…/end rant….
While all this was incredible news for the Mother of Dragons, Danerys Stormborn, she’s then hit with the news that her freeing of the slave army back in Yunkai, The Unsullied, was all for naught. As the former slavemasters have since enslaved free people and are now vowing to bring the mutha f*ckin’ ruckus down on Dany for taking away their livelihood. And Astapor, which she freed next, has also been enslaved once again. Like the classy broad that she is, Daenerys has taken it in stride.
She’s weighing her options, take the ships she’s acquired and storm King’s Landing and overthrow the bastard usurper, or stay and rule like the Queen she is. She goes to her confidant Ser Jorah Mormant for advice, then naturally disregards his advice to head to Westeros and leave it all behind. For now she’s staying…
My only question: where the Hell are her damned dragons, and why aren’t they wrecking sh*t by now? As we saw in this season’s premiere, they’re certainly big enough to reign fire down on full villages at a time, so why they hell aren’t they expanding her kingdom one breath of fire at a time? We’re all wondering this, right? If I’m the only impatient jerk be sure to tell me so down below in the comments, but for now I’m not going to be happy with Dany’s plot line until the dragons are put go awesome use.
LOSER: Sansa Stark
So her post-King’s Landing destination is The Eyrie, home of her batsh*t crazy aunt Lady Lysa, and perhaps the 2nd most detestable character in the series’ history: Lord Robin Arryn.
These two are the closest rival to the insufferable insanity we’ve only seen elsewise from Cersei & Joffrey. It’s truly hard for me to feel badly for Sansa Stark, because her naïveté above all is what’s led to her being stuck in King’s Landing for so long, getting treated like trash by the late Joffrey and her Lannister wards. It takes no time at all for Sana’s aunt Lysa to go full-psycho on her, demanding to know if she’s banged Littlefinger, blah blah, all sorts of stuff crazy people assume. Though Lysa’s insecurities aren’t completely without merit, as Littlefinger schemes harder than anyone in Westeros, her physical torment and accusations towards her own flesh and blood, who’s seen the death of over half her family, is a bit too much to stomach. Thus I’ve finally found myself feeling badly for poor little Sansa Stark.
Now on the other hand, the big winner here is Lord Petyr Baelish. He’s now been wed to Lady Lysa Arryn, and has effectively become rule of the Eyrie. A position that’s waaaaaaaayyyyy above his place of birth, in terms of importance. So strategically he’s crushing it. +10 Petry Baelish
On the other hand, we’ve got Don Quixote & Sancho Panza (Brienne & Pod) off on a fool’s errand to find Lady Sansa, and they’re headed to the Wall to see Jon Snow. Things we immediately learn are that while Podrick is as loyal a squire as there ever was, the dude is as useless as teats on a bull.
There’s something perversely amusing about the inept squire of a female knight who’s not really a knight, and who’s released the squire from his oath, so he’s not really a squire. These two are arguably the most loyal characters on the show (in Westeros, not counting Dany’s crew), and now they’re tied to one another, to rescue Sansa Stark from whatever she may be facing. Which we then come to learn is a betrothal to the pissant Robin Arryn. Do we think that Don Quixote & Sancho Panza will make it here before the wedding to be? Meh… Sansa’s screwed, methinks.
WINNER: Arya Stark
Arya received some valuable life teachings in a way that most young girls never experience: a stern punch to the face by a man in armor. After her current BFFL ‘The Hound’ insults Arya’s once acclaimed sword-fighting instructor, Syrio Forel, she attempts to stab The Hound in his gut. Typically this would be a huge mistake, but Sandor Clegane seems to have a serious soft spot for the Stark girls, and when Arya’s blade stops at his armor, she gives her a firm backhand. Teaching her the value of armor, swords, and really just always keeping a competitive advantage in a fight, something she’d never learn from her waterdancer instructor.
I think it goes without saying that you should never hit a lady, or a child, but within the context of teachings I think this smackdown of Arya is acceptable as it’s forced her to grow the hell up. If this was a video game, Arya would have gained approximately 50 XP’s.
LOSER: Little Girls
Once again we we see Prince Oberyn of Dorne, and once again he’s engaged an extremely delicate conversation, a play at the ‘Game of Thrones,’ that we’ve seen for several seasons. This back and forth volley of thinly-veiled jabs at one another, without ever truly crossing the line of complete disrespect.
This week Prince Oberyn’s metaphorical conversation about his raped and murdered sister, Elia Targaryen, comes in the context of both he and Cersei being parents, and how Cersei’s only daughter is currently residing in Dorne. Prince Oberyn makes sure to get in his usual dig about Elia, this time in reference to his daughter Elia, named after his sister killed by the Lannister’s goon. And Cersei proclaims that “everywhere in the World they hurt little girls.”
I mean, did they really need to say that? Given the amount of times we’ve seen incest, murder, and rape on this show I don’t know why this comes off as the creepiest line to date, but it does… Just too much.
WINNER: Bran Stark
Once again we’re treated to a glimpse of what the future supposedly has in store for Bran Stark, this week it comes courtesy of a vision by Jojen Reed, who’s been gifted the power of seeing the future…. His vision comes in the format of the same snow-covered Weirwood tree Bran saw, and he speaks of the same person Bran saw in his vision back when he touched the weirwood. They (Jojen & Meera Reed) know their mission is to make it to that Weirwood with Bran, and they must do so at any and all costs. All of this is already things we knew, but by corroborating Bran’s vision with another vision from Jojen, it solidifies the necessity of their journey and the over-arching importance of Brandon Stark, the crippled warg.
After that scene we’re treated to the raid of the Night’s Watch on Craster’s Keep, to rescue Bran and the others. Bran escapes by using his powers as a ward to take over Hodor’s body. And here’s what pisses me off. I understand that it’s extremely uncool to take over another’s body & mind…but in the moment before when Meera was about to be raped, why the Hell wouldn’t Bran take over one of the soldier’s bodies and stop it all from happening?!?! That aside, Bran uses his superior intellect with Hodor’s freakish strength…and the rest is history…Hodor’s a murderer, and the infiltrator of the Night’s Watch, Locke, is dead.
We’re then treated to one of those truly infuriating moments that only Game of Thrones can deliver. Where instead of calling out for his blood-brother, Jon Snow, Bran chooses to stay silent and disappear. Going off on the quest to the weirwood tree that we saw in the visions, and away from safety… Given the First Law of GoT, Bran’s clearly going to die or get someone else killed soon, for acting like a fool.
WINNER: Jon Snow
In the same way that Arya learned the value of fighting without honor, Jon Snow’s served up a life lesson of his own during his sword fight with Karl, the leader of the Night’s Watch rebels who took Craster’s Keep, when Karl spits in his eye and knocks him to the ground. Jon Snow’s saved when Karl takes a knife to the back by one of Craster’s widows, and then Jon serves up the incredible fatal blow, of which is below, and your Screencap of the Week!
As if that slaying wasn’t the visceral “HELL YES” that we all desperately needed after an otherwise lackluster episode, we’re then treated to some vintage badassery from Ghost, Jon Snow’s direwolf.
FINALLY! These two are back together! If there is a cardinal rule of ‘Game of Thrones’ it’s that you NEVER separate a Stark from their direwolf, or someone dies.
All in all, tonight’s episode seemed like one of those filler episodes that was merely setting up events in the future. Which makes sense, given that we’re mid-way through the season. However, there was no showing from the cannibal wildlings, or Dany’s dragons, nor from any of the Ironborn (theon/reek, his sister, etc)…..so what the Hell is happening over at Moat Cailin I wonder?! And how are Mance Rayder’s plans to sack the Wall coming along?
That rant aside, any episode that ends with a man and his wolf being joyously reunited is a WIN in my book, and for that I’d say that ‘First of His Name’ definitely bested last week’s episode. Speaking of which, I apologize for not having a recap of last week’s episode as I was traveling, and was unable to get it together….It won’t happen again.
Be sure to check back next week to see what Happens in Game of Thrones‘ ‘The Laws of Gods and Men.’