In last week’s episode of Game of Thrones we ended with Tyrion Lannister delivering one of the most powerful (and maniacal) speeches we’ve seen in the series’ history. So, what happened in this Season 4 Episode 7’s ‘Mockingbird’? Let’s find out who the big winners and losers were in this week’s episode of Game of Thrones.
LOSER: Tyrion Lannister
After dropping one of the greatest soliloquies we’ve seen in all four seasons the Half Man now finds himself in the precarious position of having to find a ‘champion’ to fight for him during his ‘trial by combat.’ The positives here are that there are several people within the realm who both care for Tyrion and know that he is innocent, the negatives here are that it’s not too easy to find someone willing to potentially die/get maimed for you just to prove your innocence.
This is the face of a sad, dejected man. Something we’re not too accustomed at seeing from Tryion, who like most adult men does an extremely good job of bottling up his emotions 99.9% of the time. Things only get more bleak as we find out who Tyrion’s champion (or Tyrion himself) is set to face in the hand-to-hand trial by combat….
WINNER: Cersei Lannister
So who is this man that Cersei Lannister is to name as her champion in the trial by combat? Ser Gregor Clegane, aka ‘The Mountain,’ the older brother of ‘The Hound,’ the man responsible for countless deaths across the realm, the burns on his brother’s face, the death of Elia Targaryen (sister of ‘The Viper’ Prince Oberyn). This giant of a man is basically the Wu-Tang Clan of Westeros, he’s nothing to fux with. We’re reminded of that once again as we see him practicing battle by shredding through some whimpy guys left and ride, entrails and offal galore…. Sorry Tryion, Bronn will not stand a chance here, nor will your one-handed brother, but both have turned you down as a champion in your stead, so you’re basically screwed…thus far.
WINNER: Arya Stark
After spouting off some gibberish about nothing for a few moments, then telling the dying man who she is, she’s all but sealed the dying man’s fate. After all, they can’t have men out in the wild knowing who she is and where she’s going….but he’s dying on his own….until The Hound does him a favor, puts him out of his misery…and then…
Huzzah! They get ambushed by some COMPLETE JACKASSES thinking they’ll be able to kill/capture The Hound and collect the ransom, and Arya finally gets to use her sword again, Needle. She’s honing her skills as a killer, which bodes extremely well for because me as I’ve said repeatedly she is my favorite character. With each kill she grows stronger, more cocksure, deadlier…AND IT’S AWESOME. +50XP’s to Arya.
GIF via Uproxx
LOSER: Jon Snow
One thing we know for certain: it is NEVER good when a Stark is separated from their direwolf. And Jon Snow’s scene opens up to him being told he needs to lock up Ghost somewhere within Castle Black.
How have they not figured out yet that you DO NOT SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM YOUR DIRE WOLF???? I can foresee no outcome where this ends well for Jon Snow, but we shall see.
Lord Snow then proceeds to get lambasted by his superiors for suggesting a battle strategy, as he’s just a steward. Being demeaned in front of his brothers is never good for morale….things are not going well for Jon Snow thus far…. -25pts from Jon.
LOSER: Tryion Lannister
Back to this ‘ol song and dance. We find out Ser Bronn is now a BALLER in his new threads, and is not going to fight for Tryion. His sellsword days are over, he’s going to marry a woman of title and become something within the realm.
GIF via Uproxx
Tryion takes it all in stride considering his life is at stake. But he’s known all along the character of Bronn is: money, b*tches, loyalty (in that order). It’s sad to see this bromance broken up, but frankly it had to come one day as intrinsically they’re of different moral fiber, and were destined to clash at some point. Better that they end on good terms.
WINNER: Daenerys Stormborn
Dany got some booty. Dany got some booty. Dany got some boooooty…..I repeat: her regal lady parts were given the royal treatment (by her devotee Daario Naharis).
While this really is something she’s needed for YEARS, as she’s become crotchety (and murderous) and was in desperate need of getting her bell flicked, it’s quite possibly created a rift now between Daario and Ser Jorah Mormont. Later in the episode we see Ser Jorah (who’s been in love with Dany forever) cross paths with Daario as he’s exiting the Queen’s chambers.
LOSER: Selyse Baratheon
You can’t help but feel badly for her. She comes to Lady Melisandre to ask her not to bring along her & Stannis’ daughter (Shireen) on their missions ahead, only to find the unbearably sexy Red Priestess in her birthday suit. Their conversation topics then go on to cover things such has the times Lady Melisandre banged her husband, but how it’s all good.
The Lady of Dragonstone, Selyse Barathon, is pitiable because she then accepts everything (the extramarital affairs, her daughter heading to battle zones) because she’s so religiously devout. his is one of those moments that makes ‘Game of Thrones’ so special, where we see shades of modern day realities taking place within the context of this fantastical show. Modern day parallels including things such as faith healing, etc. Now I’ll stop talking about this before I piss off the many anti-vaxxers who troll the Internet just for moments like this….
Just LOOK at that devotion, that unwavering faith….
LOSER: Jorah Mormont
Let’s take a vote: has he fallen deeper in the friend zone or crawled out a bit? On the one hand you can look at her face and see that this dude is about as deep in the ‘friend zone’ as any human being has ever been. But on the other hand, she finally heeds his advice on battle/ruling strategy.
I interpret this as his stock has plummeted as low as ever, because all he truly wants is to be teaching lessons on finger painting while using her royal lovelies as the canvas…but instead she bangs someone else and then takes his advice on something unrelated to love. Classic friend zone maneuver. I’m genuinely curious to hear your feedback on where he stands with the Khaleesi currently though, feedback in the comments down below por favor.
LOSER: The Hound
He appears to have reached a bit of a breaking point. There’s a price on his head AND he’s carting around one of the most valuable ransoms in Westeros (Arya). We know he’s reached his boiling point has he finally breaks down and gushes about his childhood, and his his brother ‘The Mountain’ is the one who gave him the scars on his face by pushing his mug into a fire.
There are two things at play here: on the one hand we see The Hound becoming softer by the day, and humanized from the brut murderer he once was, and on the other hand the life long blood-lust & terror is reinforce of his brother ‘The Mountain,’ who is set to fight against Tryion in the trial by combat.
Just look at this big softy…
WINNER: Brienne of Tarth
After acting a fool and blabbering about the Starks to a stranger, something that should more likely put her in harm’s way than lead to a fateful break, Brienne of Tarth does in fact get lucky. As it just so happens that Brienne blabbers to Hot Pie, who was once a comrade of Arya when they were on their way to the Night’s Watch. The main break here being that Brienne learns Arya is still alive, something most of the realm believed wasn’t true.
She then proceeds to take a moment of triumph, and rub it in how she was in the right for asking a complete stranger about Sansa Stark…This cocky attitude is going to get her (or her squire Podrick) stuck by the pointy end of a blade eventually. Simma down now giant woman, simma down naw.
Podrick, or Pod, then proceeds to piece together where Arya is headed, with whom, and why she’s headed there. Together this odd couple makes a fascinating duo that is sure to keep us both entertained and frustrated for many episodes to come…..
WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER: Tyrion Lannister & Prince Oberyn
To the discerning eye, something of this arrangement’s nature has been coming all season. Prince Oberyn wants nothing more than revenge on his dead sister, Elia, who was murdered by The Mountain. And these two share a wit only matched by each other, the parallels were there, the connections were visible.
We’re treated to a childhood story of Tyrion’s birth and introduction to Prince Oberyn as a monster, a peeling back of the onions, revealing more depth in Cersei’s hatred of her little brother (responsible for the death of their mother in child birth).
GIF via Uproxx
BUT! We get to the point. Balance & honor will be restored by way of revenge: Prince Oberyn will be Tryion’s champion in the trial by combat. He will have the opportunity to kill The Mountain, the man who raped and murdered his sister. Clearly the Gods are on the side of justice here?!! And Tryion’s name will be cleared??!! Right??? Either way, this might have been my favorite scene of the season thus far. +250 points to Dorne, and Tryion.
LOSER: Sansa Stark
With every minute that passes during her time in The Vale of Arryn, Sansa Stark is exposed to more and more of the batsh*t insanity that is her relatives. Her cousin’s first line of questioning basically follows the lines: ‘how’d you kill the people who looked at you wrong or crop dusted you on the way to bring you more presents?’
Then we get some ‘he said, she said’ bullisht…he throws a cringe-worthy temper tantrum depicted below…and we’re once again in a position of feeling badly that Sansa’s found herself surrounded by crazy.
What a little f*cking brat! I wish someone would slap the sh*t out of him….But wait, what’s that? Did Sansa Stark just stand up for herself for the very first time in the series history?!!?? Maybe things won’t be so bad for her after all?
So things are on the rise for Sansa? Maybe? But wait…
Sooooo after Little Finger telling her the real reason he killed Joffrey: that he was deeply in love with Catelyn Stark, Sansa’s Mother…he then proceeds to make out with her? Just another day at The Vale of Arryn, amirite?
There’s no way that kiss goes without being noticed by ‘ol level-headed Aunt Lysa, who’s obsessed with Littlefinger and follows him everywhere. So we know that IT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL. And get real it certainly does…
The Moon Door is open, jealous auntie Lysa is there, IT’S GOING DOWN!
So now what? The ruler of the Vale, Lysa Arryn, was thrown out her very own Moon Door and killed…by her new husband, Littlefinger…who just made out with her niece, the daughter of her one true love.
Her momentary lapse in craziness was ultimately the cause of her demise…But now, we’re left with the little bed-wedding Robyn Arryn, Sansa Stark, and Littlefinger….all in some castle that seems to cause people to go insane. Surely this will end well? Surely?
The impending hand-to-hand battle between Prince Oberyn of Dorne & Ser Gregor Clegane (next week?!) is shaping up to be the greatest one-on-one fight we’ll see in the history of this series.
Dany is a friend-zoning trick, but she’s finally getting her jollies off so we should 1000% look for a change in mood in the coming days.
Things up at the Vale are nutty, and only getting worse. But at least one half of the mother-son duo we universally despise is dead. So we have something to be pleased about.
With only 3 episodes left in this season things up at the Wall with Jon Snow and the Night’s Watch will reach a climax (amongst many other plot lines I’ve mentioned above but don’t care to repeat again here).