For millennia, two opposing forces have battled for man’s soul – work and play. But what if you could combine the two? No, I’m not talking about throwing the ball around while discussing TPS reports, I’m talking about the noble leisure time activity of drinking. Everybody would love the freedom to just kick back at work and knock back a few. It would certainly make Cynthia in HR more tolerable. But sadly, most work environments frown on getting loaded on their time. Fear not, though, as the tide has begun to turn. More and more employers are becoming alcohol friendly, and the following career paths just might be leading the way forward for a whole new enlightened world. They are 9 jobs that allow – and sometimes even encourage – drinking.
This is a pretty easy one. Everybody knows that creative types tend to have a bit more freedom on the job. It just comes with the territory. The whole rock and roll lifestyle is one thing, but most people don’t realize that it’s not just a cliché – drinking actually promotes creative thinking. It’s simple: alcohol relaxes you. When you’re relaxed you start to think outside the box, and as an added bonus that thinking tends to be more natural, free of the sort of stress and pressure felt by the perpetually sober. Sure, sometimes artists go overboard and end up full blown alcoholics prone to chopping off ears and marrying Sharon Osbourne, but life is all about sacrifices.
8. Food Critic
Just ask Guyism’s own Colin Joliat about this. I mean, you can’t be a very good food critic if you ignore the best part of any meal – the drinks – right? It’s just a part of the deal. Look, it’s one thing to drink while you get paid, but it’s a whole new level of wizardry to get paid for drinking. Frankly, I’m a little jealous. And sure, one day we’re all gonna have to pitch in to buy Colin a new liver from Bangkok, but that’s all just part of being a team.
Again, this one’s kind of obvious, but you’ve got to respect the OG’s of the drinking on the job game. And sure, while a lot of bars don’t actively encourage drinking – in some states, it’s actually technically illegal – a lot of establishments are perfectly willing to look the other way. I mean, you’re not going to chase your bartender out of the building if a group of hot blondes get giggly and demand he or she do a shot with them, you know? That’s just not good for business. Of course, you don’t want to get completely shitfaced when you’re working behind the bar, but this would be like telling someone in an office supply building that they’re not allowed to use pens, delicious, delicious malted and barrel aged pens.
No, it’s not 1965, and Don Draper isn’t going to invite you into his office for a round of Highballs. But the advertising game has been getting back to its roots in recent years, recognizing that advertising is a creative endeavor, and that means that the people who make it happen need to be able to kick back and let their minds wander from time to time. Just ask New York firm J. Walter Thompson, who have a 50 foot long bar installed in their office. Elsewhere in the industry, beer trolleys – which are pretty much exactly what they sound like – make their rounds through the offices. It both inspires creative thinking and incentivizes the employees. Now that’s some marketing I think we can all get behind.
This one is just common sense. DJ’s work wherever there’s alcohol. It would be inhumane to expect them to just stand there stone-cold sober while everyone else gets hammered. And before you tight-asses whine about them being “on the job” and “not there to party,” just remember that, well, first of all, you sound like an asshole, and two, yeah that’s kind of exactly what they’re there to do. When you do something like this, you can’t separate yourself from the party. You have to become a part of the party, and understand how it’s flowing, how the mood is, etc., and you can’t really do that without at least tasting the party. Sure, you don’t want to get so hammered that you start messing up, but an uptight DJ is a lame DJ, so don’t be afraid to kill a few drinks and let yourself get caught in the rhythm of the moment.
4. Tech Companies
Believe it or not, tech companies are actually leading the charge in the workplace alcohol revolution. Part of it is forward thinking – tech companies tend to be run by young, smart people who value the sort of creative out of the box thinking that comes with a couple of drinks – and part of it is simple common sense and survival – tech companies also tend to expect their employees to be incredibly driven and work ridiculously long hours on their projects, which means that you have to cut them some slack when it comes to things like this. It just makes good business sense, as weird as that sounds. And further, tech companies tend to understand better than your average company that employees appreciate being treated like adults. Sure, they’ll burn you out and then sell what’s left of your soul to the NSA, but damn it all, at least they let you kill a few microbrews on their dime, and really, what more can any of us ask?
What? Look, if you want a job where you can drink, the priesthood is right there. I mean, name another job where drinking is not only allowed, it’s considered a holy sacrament. Sure, you can’t ever get laid, you have to spend your whole life in church, and everyone thinks you’re diddling kids on the side, but you get all the wine you want, and instead of being an “alcoholic,” you can honestly tell people that you are just communing with God. It’s what Jesus would want.
I’m not talking chintzy stuff like selling cars, or timeshares to old people over the phone. No, I’m talking about big business. You don’t think those guys close deals over hot dogs and diet cokes, do you? No, it’s straight steak and scotch. In fact, you pretty much have to drink in order to be an effective businessman. If you don’t, people will think you’re soft. It’s a total alpha male game, and that means you’ve gotta do alpha male things. Sure, it might make you feel like a soulless asshole, but who cares when you’re three sheets to the wind? Plus, let’s face it, it’s much, much easier to close a deal – any deal – when your counterpart is slurring about how much he loves you and singing Bon Jovi at the karaoke bar or motorboating strippers in between tequila shots. This is just how the world’s economy functions – well, sort of functions anyway.
You bet your ass.