8 of the most insane reality shows ever


Reality shows have become a TV staple, largely because they’re cheap to produce, and, well, let’s face it, even crazier than the craziest dramas. And with that in mind, we’ve decided to take a look at the craziest of the crazy. These reality shows shamelessly obliterate taboos, piss all over the idea of human dignity and do things that would be considered war crimes according to the Geneva Convention. Yes, they are crazy, they are unusual, and they are most definitely eight of the most insane reality shows ever.

8 ‘Gaki no Tsukai’ – Japan


Naturally, we start off in Japan, who have long humbled us when it comes to crazy reality shows. And Gaki no Tsukai is perhaps the most stereotypical of them all, featuring weird and ridiculous variety show segments, inane challenges, and, of course, vicious abuse for those who fail those challenges. Mostly, this consists of dudes getting their asses kicked (sometimes literally), but occasionally things get even weirder, such as the “Chinko machine.” Translated literally as “penis machine”, it whacks contestants in the balls every time they screw up. But even that is perhaps not as undignified as the “ass game.” This game involves a dude suspended above the contestants in his tighty-whiteys, and every time they answer a question wrong, he is lowered further so that his ass and genitals come closer to their face. On one hand, you have to admire the simplicity. On the other, Jesus Christ, Japan, what is wrong with you?

7 ‘Who’s Your Daddy’ – USA


Since we’re more evolved, instead of whacking people in the nuts on our reality shows, we just emotionally abuse them. Who’s Your Daddy is perhaps the worst of these. Here is the show’s premise: an adult who was adopted as a baby is placed in a room with 25 dudes. If she can correctly identify which one is her dad, she wins $100,000. If she’s wrong, the person she chose wins the $100,000. Sounds like a good time! The show aired on Fox – naturally – and then was quickly cancelled once everyone involved realized they were awful people who should be shot out of a cannon. Just kidding, it was because the ratings sucked, which is just how we measure morality now.

6 ‘Women’s Logic’ – Georgia

Screengrab via Eurasianet

We’re talking the country Georgia, not the state, which, backwards as it is, even wouldn’t let this fly. Probably, anyway. Women’s Logic is pretty straightforward – two models in skimpy clothes are asked a series of trivia questions while a bunch of dudes try to guess how they’ll answer. The underlying theme is that women are dumb and hahahaha! Really, that’s the show. They could have been even more direct and just called it Laughing at Women, but I guess they’re more sophisticated than that in Georgia. Then again, it’s probably riveting TV over there given that every other channel probably just airs shows of people sitting alone, drinking vodka under a single light bulb.

5 ‘Breasts Up, Pants Down’ – Japan


This show cuts to the complicated heart of the human experience by featuring a women pulling another women’s pants down, and then that women has to try to wriggle back into her pants while holding her naked boobs, all while a panel of dudes watches intently. Again, you have to give them credit for the simplicity. I mean, this just cuts out all the pretense and gets right to it. Still, Japan, you have to learn to cover up your base instincts and perversions with fake storylines and petty catfights. That’s why we won the war – we understand you can’t just call a show Tits and Ass. You have to make people work for glimpses of the tits and ass. It’s called sophistication, look it up.

4 ‘Penitents Compete’ – Turkey

Jesus image by guroldinneden/Shutterstock

Penitents Compete was a Turkish reality show in which four holy men – a Jewish rabbi, a Muslim imam, a Christian Priest, and a Buddhist monk – try to convert 10 atheists each week. Any converts were then given a free trip to the holy city of whichever religion they chose. Believe it or not, this didn’t go over to well. In fact, the Presidency of Religious Affairs, which is literally the successor to the old fashioned Turkish Caliphate, AKA those dudes you read about from the Crusades in history class, refused to let an imam appear on the show, and the whole thing fell apart before it could really even begin. It’s too bad because I’m sure everyone in the Middle East would have handled it with their characteristic good humor and grace. Or at least waited until the second commercial break before rioting.

3 ‘Welcome to the Neighborhood’ – USA

Cowboy image by Shutterstock

Unbelievably, someone actually thought this was a good idea. The premise is that several families – all poor or black or gay or anything non-WASPy – compete to win a dream home in an exclusively white, wealthy, Christian neighborhood in that bastion of tolerance known as Texas. The winner would be voted on by the community’s existing residents, and, well, believe it or not, things didn’t go well. Seriously, this was like a sketch from Chappelle’s Show. One judge, in the very first – and only – episode, openly declared that they would “not tolerate homosexuals.” GLAAD got involved, sponsors were all “Uh, maybe re-think this one,” and ABC cancelled the show before it actually made it to air. The funniest part is that the conservative Family Research Council complained that the show might make Southern Christian conservatives look biased. Well dudes, to be fair, it is reality TV and nothing is realer than that.

2 ‘Susunu! Denpa Shōnen’ – Japan


We turn again to Japan for this gem, which follows the standard Japanese show format of abusing contestants for laughs. What separates Susunu! Denpa Shōnen, though, is the scope of its punishments. Where most Japanese shows go right for the kick in the balls or the gratuitous booby shots, this show is far more diabolical and esoteric, featuring challenges like making a dude live naked in an apartment for a whole year, living only on commercial sweepstakes. You know, just because. One of the more infamous challenges involved locking contestants in a room with a single TV which only showed baseball games of their favorite teams. If their team won, they got to eat dinner. Seriously, that was the reward. If they lost, they weren’t fed, the lights were turned out, and they were forced to sit in the dark, starving in a locked room until the next day’s baseball game, where they’d do it all over again. That was the game! Forget what I said earlier about Japan needing to evolve. They’re the Darwinian champions of crazy.

1 ‘Orgasm Wars’ – Japan


This is actually a segment of a larger show called Poko x Tate, and it is the reigning champion of the insane reality show world. And somehow, it’s even more messed up than the title would suggest. It’s basically the old Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object, only with a fucked up Japanese spin on it. Here’s the premise: a male Japanese porn star claims that he has perfect climax control. Meanwhile, a gay bar owner claims that he can make any dude blow his load. Naturally, there’s only one way to settle it: have the gay dude blow the porn star and see who’s right. The winner? Well, the gay dude, technically, but in the larger sense, nobody. Then again, the whole thing did end with a dude getting off, so maybe everybody’s a winner? I don’t know. All I do know is that when it comes to insane reality shows, nobody wins quite like Japan.