UV Sriracha proves that flavored vodka has officially jumped the shark. What started as a good idea to make cocktails more dynamic has spiraled into a contest to see who can make the dumbest product on the market. It’s clear that brands are now just catering to whatever they think people will get excited about rather than what might actually be a reasonable flavor. These are, in my opinion of course, the 5 worst flavored vodkas on the market.
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Sriracha – UV
As I said, this is what inspired the list. Ideally the flavors in a vodka are meant to enhance the spirit not take over. Nothing about Sriracha says “complement” though. We put it on stuff because we love the taste of Sriracha, not because we think it makes the actual eggs taste better. The food is just an excuse to eat hot sauce. Putting it in a vodka is essentially just drinking it from the bottle. I’m not opposed to you suckling from the twisty green top, but don’t go pretending like it should be in a cocktail.
4 Wedding Cake
Wedding Cake – Pearl
Why a wedding cake? Does it taste different than a normal cake? As a guest of two dozen weddings in the past couple years, I can tell you that there’s nothing special about the flavor of a wedding cake. I can’t even taste the 10-fold premium I know my friends paid for it. People already love cake flavored vodka, though I would argue that it’s terrible, so Pearl is clearly just pandering to the newly married demographic with branding.
3 Cinnamon Roll
Cinnabon – Pinnacle
I love Cinnabon as much as the next person who lacks self respect at a mall. They’re absolutely delicious. Hell I even made Bacon Cinnamon Rolls. Unless you’re drinking in the morning though, why do you want your cocktail to taste like a cinnamon roll? Nothing about cinnamon and sugar say, “I should be a drink.” Sure it might taste good, but having sex with a corpse might feel good too. You should still go directly to hell without passing GO if you think either one is a good idea.
Tobacco – Ivanabitch
No. Just no. I want to assume that this is trolling-in-real-life, but I don’t think it is. Do we really need to combine vices? I don’t care how much you love smoking tarsticks, no one wants their vodka to taste like tobacco. It’s not a smooth subtle tobacco flavor either. It smells like you’re huffing an empty pack. There’s even a menthol version for the true degenerates out there. You know how vodka brands are always bragging about how many times their product is distilled? They do that to ensure there aren’t flavors like menthol in there.
Electricity – Oddka
You’re more likely to do the Electric Slide when you’re drunk on vodka, but that’s no excuse to make a vodka actually taste like electricity. What does electricity even taste like? Oddka is essentially saying you’re stupid enough to buy something entirely because it has a cool name. According to others it tastes like blue raspberry cough syrup. I don’t think anyone other than Lil Wayne would be rushing out to buy it if they put that on the label though. It just goes to show you that flavored vodka is all about novelty and not flavor.
But wait… there’s more!
There are dozens more vodkas about which I could pointlessly bitch, but who’s got time for that. I’m all for people drinking whatever makes them happy, but these ridiculous flavored vodkas are tying up precious shelf space that could be put to better use. How am I supposed to find my 45th favorite whiskey with all of this nonsense in the way?
Here are a few other ridiculous flavors, and my attempt to pretend they’re awesome.