There are simply too many ‘WTF’ stories to come out of Florida every week for me to report on in real-time. So to give you the best-of-the-best, here’s the 10 most WTF news stories from the Sunshine State in the past week, your weekly collection of WTFlorida.
Massive fish tries to swallow Florida Man whole, chaos ensues
The fish above is a Goliath Grouper, the largest member of the Grouper family. The GIF you see above is just a snippet from a wild incident that took place last week when a spearfishermen was off the coast of Jupiter, FL when a massive Goliath Grouper approached him. I highly suggest watching the full video below, and to read more about the incident you can see our full report on it from earlier in the week HERE.
Rare lobster (1 in 30 million) saved by the power of social media
‘Libbie the Lobster’ as she has since been dubbed, was recently discovered at a Publix grocery store in Flagler County. Libbie is exceedingly rare, to be exact Libbie is a 1 in 30 MILLION lobster as she possesses and extremely uncommon skin pigmentation.
http://whdh.images.worldnow.com/interface/js/WNVideo.js?rnd=355210;hostDomain=www.whdh.com;playerWidth=630;playerHeight=355;isShowIcon=true;clipId=10425192;flvUri=;partnerclipid=;adTag=Station%25202;advertisingZone=;enableAds=true;landingPage=;islandingPageoverride=false;playerType=STANDARD_EMBEDDEDscript;controlsType=overlay7News Boston WHDH-TV
Libbie the Lobster’s life was spared forever though when Marybeth Jeitner discovered here, and proceeded to launch a massive social media campaign which led to the lobster’s life being spared. Yup, we’re talking about human beings wasting an inordinate amount of time to save a measly lobster. A LOBSTER. YOU PEOPLE NEED SOME DAMN HOBBIES.
Jeitner got word a Maine company, GetMaineLobster.com will arrange a return trip to New England while another friend is working with a marine science center in New Hampshire to provide Libby that permanent home. Libby will begin her journey to New Hampshire Wednesday when she heads to the UPS facility in Daytona Beach.
So, I guess we have a happy ending here? That is unless you’re definition of a ‘happy ending’ requires inclusion of warm, liquid butter and delicious meat….
EMT overdoses on heroin moments after delivering baby from pregnant woman
I’ve never done heroin but I’ve always imagined it to be just like the GIF above, so I suppose it was no coincidence that when I searched ‘heroin GIFs’ that it was one of the top results. I digress…
This incident took place in Tallahassee, the WTFlorida capital, and also home to my alma mater (FSU). FirstCoastNews reports:
Justin Becraft, 41, and another medic were called out to pick up the pregnant woman on Moccasin Gap Road at 7:10 p.m. After they dropped the woman off, Becraft said he needed to use the bathroom.
After about 15 to 20 minutes, fellow medics began to worry about Becraft, who hadn’t come out of the bathroom. They knocked on a bathroom door and could hear Becraft groaning from the other side, according to police reports in support of misdemeanor charges against him for possession of narcotic equipment.
Upon reading this story my first reaction was ‘did I know this guy in college?’ And after coming to the conclusion that I didn’t, I settled on ‘damn, I miss the insane nights of Tallahassee.’
You can read the story in full here on FirstCoastNews.
Freshmen Congressmen from Florida sticks racist foot in mouth, makes things incredibly awkward over and over and over
Curt Lawson is a freshmen US Congressman for the 19th District of Florida, he recently presided over a congressional hearing of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, and holy sh*t did he make things awkward.
The two officials, Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, are Americans who hold senior positions at the State Department and Commerce Department, respectively. Although both Biswal and Kumar were introduced as U.S. officials by the chairman of the Asia and Pacific subcommittee, Clawson repeatedly asked them questions about “your country” and “your government,” in reference to the state of India.
But why just tell you about it when we can watch the insanely cringe-worthy video in action?
Freshman Congressman Mistakes Senior Government Officials for Foreigners from Foreign Policy on Vimeo.
As is the case every week when I put together this WTFlorida round up, it appears that the stupidity from Florida is leaking at unprecedented levels…
You can read a full account of the incident here on ForeignPolicy.
Florida Man falls asleep in traffic, shockingly no one got pregnant
Here we see first-hand the effects that 100 degree temperatures can have on your body down in the Florida summer, as this guy PTFU at a red light.
Not many details were released in this incident (in fact none at all were released), but I loved this video so damn much I had to share. It appears that the brutal summer sun of the Sunshine State has broken this man down…that, or he crushed way too many tall boys at the driving range after work. You can read my full write-up of the incident earlier in the week here on Guyism.
Teacher suspended only TWO WEEKS for teaching middle schoolers to twerk, drunk
As we reported here on Guyism back in the beginning of the month, Courtney Spruill, a.k.a Coach Perry, allegedly got drunk with students, taught them how to twerk, and received lap dances from the students.
Just another day’s work down in the dirty FL, right? Surely she’d lose her job and that’d be the end of the story…..NOPE.
Instead, the teacher was handed only a 15-day suspension and is allowed to get back to her life as a twerking middle school coach, as if nothing ever happened. Details from WTSP on the incident.
IKEA workers get birds drunk on rum in order to get them out of the store
Aaaaaaaahhhhh yes, ye olde get ’em drunk so they’re easier to deal with trick. A trick as old as booze itself. This incident took place at the IKEA down in Sweetwater/Miami, and it’s reported that the store workers used bread crumbs soaked in rum in order to get a few birds trapped inside the store drunk, making removal of the birds easier.
One idea by workers included soaking bread crumbs in rum. The believed if they could get the birds a little “drunk” and slow them down, they could be captured and released humanely.
Ikea officials confirmed to CBSMiami.com that the soaked-in-rum bread trick was indeed tried, but it’s not clear if it was part of the process that ultimately worked to get the birds out of the store.
Frankly, this is a genius idea and I don’t know why it isn’t being utilized to fix every problem on earth. Certainly a massive infusion of vodka would improve the current situation in Ukraine/Russia, no? I guess the trick is finding that proper amount/volume of hooch to use before you have an even bigger problem on your hands.
Arsonist tries to burn down apartment complex, inadvertently sets himself ablaze
Arthur Avery was treated for burns he received when he set ablaze an apartment complex in Volusia County. All hell broke loose when Avery attempted to burn the entire complex down.
MyNews13 has full details of the incident:
Kathy Bailey’s charred front door is being replaced after it was set on fire Saturday morning at the Spanish Villa apartment complex in South Daytona.
But she and her granddaughter are lucky to be alive after police say Arthur Avery did not find who he was looking for, a man by the name of Ted; a man Bailey says she’s never heard of, which was a response Avery did not like.
“And he just started splashing the gasoline on it. And I said my granddaughter’s in there. And he said you better get her. So I ran in and my other girlfriend who came in from out of town said there’s a child in there. He said I don’t give a damn,” said Bailey.
Police say Avery rolled on the ground, an act which may have put that fire out, but led to his arrest because he dropped a set of keys and his wallet.
Brilliant. Just brilliant. Is this the Floridian Circle of Life? Give a fire, take a fire? Anyways, you can read full case details and an in-depth account of the incident HERE on MyNews13.
Girl gets DUI, tries to throw her mom under the bus by giving fake name
Meet Daniella Sinanna, the 25-year-old who recently caused a three car crash en route to a DUI charge, and nominee for ‘Daughter of the Year.’ Why is she a nominee for Daughter of the Year? Well, it seems after causing the multi-car crash and being questioned by police, instead of taking responsibility for her own actions she pretended to be her very own mother. How lovely.
The Sun-Sentinel reports:
Questioned by Boynton Beach police officers, Daniella Sinanan said she was her mom, Ramona Ramoutar, but was called out when she provided an age that conflicted with her mother’s date of birth, according to a Boynton Beach police arrest report.
“When confronted with the discrepancy of the age she then provided me with her true name,” an officer wrote in the arrest report.
Sinanan was slurring and appeared dazed and confused, police said. She also “advised that she took two Dilaudid pills today and smoked marijuana,” according to the report.
HELL YES. Finally, the phenomenon that is Florida Man is being out shown by the batshit crazy levels of Florida Woman. Kudos to her for making headlines by being the sh*ttiest daughter of the week!
Florida Man knows what hell is like, can see purple lights
Does this look like the mugshot of a man who claims to ‘know what hell is’ and who also claims to see purple lights that aren’t there? Yes, yes it actually looks EXACTLY like the mugshot of a man who’d fit that description.
According to reports (OcalaPost), Officer Ramjit pulled alongside New and asked if anything was wrong. Without saying a word, New began running eastbound on foot.
After several minutes, New was located behind Parramore Music on Silver Springs Boulevard.
Officer Ramjit again made contact with New and asked why he was yelling in the middle of the street earlier. New stated that he was yelling at the people on the Square and asked Officer Ramjit not to take him to jail.Officer Ramjit told New that he didn’t have any reason to take him to jail, to which New replied, “Your red and blue lights make purple and I know what hell is like.”
So there you have it, the Sunshine State is bursting at the seams with insanity and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. All I can do to ease the flow is report on the most WTFlorida stories I come across each week.
To read previous editions of ‘WTFlorida’ you can click here to see past week’s roundups of the most insane Florida news stories.
And if you see any news stories you think I should report on TWEET THEM AT ME HERE!