This tortoise makes love like a bro in a frat house

You probably woke up this morning not thinking you’d watch a video of a tortoise having sex. That’s your fault. At Guyism, we’re on top of the animals having sex genre. We’re basically the internet leader in that category. I’m kinda proud of that.

See, here’s the problem. This tortoise is trying doggystyle but he’s got nothing to hold on to. Dude’s like a dog in a bathtub, slipping all over the place. And the poor female here—girl’s just not enjoying this at all. I don’t even think she smiled. Not once. And she definitely didn’t orgasm. I know my tortoise orgasms and she wasn’t even close.

So this bro tortoise clearly needs to go down on girl tortoise. Otherwise, he’s the worst, most selfish tortoise in the world.