(DISCLAIMER: Beer pong and flip cup didn’t make the cut because they’re not summer specific, they’re year-round and an indoor/outdoor hybrid. Cue the first commenter, “You forgot beer pong faggot.”)
Honestly, I only included washers by default so I could get a nice round list of ten. Washers sucks. The only time I ever saw anyone playing washers was when a bunch of random Crossfit dudes brought it to a party a couple years back, so I assume it’s a really annoying game that those dudes talk to everyone about even though nobody wants to hear about it.
9) Dizzy Bat
Dizzy bat is great in that girls are really into it, but I just hate getting dizzy. I don’t go on spinny rides at Six Flags and I haven’t had weed brownies since Super Bowl 46, so dizzy bat isn’t for me personally, but it’s an OK game overall.
Horseshoes makes the cut because it’s a game for grown-ass men. I feel like in order to be good at horseshoes you have to also know how to change a tire and unclog a toilet, neither of which I know how to do, but I aspire to one day be able to do those things. The day I get my first ringer is the day my balls drop.
7) Ladder Golf
Ladder golf isn’t a bad game at all, but at the risk of sounding like an asshole, I just find it to be a really easy game. Also, you don’t really move around at all, and if there’s one thing I’m concerned about on a day where I’m eating five cheeseburgers and drinking 180 ounces of Bud Heavy, it’s my health.
Kanjam is like having sex with Miley Cyrus. I’ve never done it and I’d never go out of my way to do it, but it looks like it’d be a pretty fun time.
5) Beer Die
I know technically beer die is an indoor game too but it’s definitely played more outdoors. I’m not sure how popular beer die is, but for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, the basic concept is to toss a die (the singular version of dice) over a rope (or even an imaginary line) over a table and have the die either go in to your opponent’s cups or bounce off the back of the table before they can catch it. It’s a great game to play if you just feel like being lazy all day, or if you shit your pants and you don’t want anyone else to see it.
Ever since I started playing cornhole I’ve been calling it “Bags,” but I’m kinda hood so take that for what it’s worth. On the surface, cornhole is awesome. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it’s easy to slug beers while playing. The only downside is that in the past few years it’s been taken out of backyards and put into gyms for leagues and shit and now it’s like a super competitive thing, which let’s be honest, if you take cornhole seriously you’re probably one of those people who calls “Elbow!” on a girl when you play beer pong. Easy bro, just let me put the bag in the hole.
Consider this selection my own personal gift to you readers. There are many variations of frisbee drinking games, but as far as I know my friends and I are the only ones that play this version and it’s fucking awesome, so here’s how it’s played:
Two poles (like the ones seen above) are placed on opposite sides of the lawn, about 50 feet or so apart from each other. It’s a 2-on-2 game where you and your partner stand on the same side. Unlike polish horseshoes, there is no beer bottle on top of the poles, so your only goal when you throw the frisbee is to hit the pole. If you hit the pole, both players on the opposite team have to run to a side table with two cups of beer on it, and while they’re drinking that beer, you and your partner keep throwing the frisbee back and forth to each other, and every time you hit the pole while they’re still drinking is a point. Once they’re done with their beers, you stop throwing. Now, a big part of the strategy is that the team that was just drinking gets to now fill up those cups with as little or as much beer as they want, knowing that they themselves may be the ones drinking it again if the other team hits the pole again. Obviously the more beer in the cups, the longer it takes to drink and the more chances the non-drinking team gets to score points.
The game ends when one team gets 3 points. It seems like a low number, but trust me, it takes a little while to get to 3 and by the time you get there you’re absolutely bombed if the other team hit the pole at least a few times. There are a couple other wrinkles to the game, but I’m not going to write an essay here so if you seriously want to play, hit me up on Twitter or something (@jimsveryunusual) and I’ll fill in the rest of the details. (Worst or best plug ever? Gotta be worst, right?)
I don’t care if anyone gives me flak about this pick because bocce is gangsta as fuck. If you’re playing bocce at your summer gatherings, chances are you appreciate the finer things in life and only have sex with liquid hot magma 10’s and above. Seriously, there’s nothing more fun than playing the perfect amount of loft and lawn break and getting your little red ball closer to the even littler white ball than anyone else. If you’re one of those people who ruins the game by throwing the pallino like four miles every time it’s their turn, you’re not welcome at any of my make-believe barbecues in my make-believe Manhattan backyard this year.
1) Polish Horseshoes
Polish horseshoes combines everything you need for the perfect summer drinking game. Frisbee. Drinking. The outdoors. Minimal but actual activity. Poland. It’s got it all. The only caveat I’ll add is that you absolutely 100% have to play with a beer in your hand or you’re automatically disqualified. As long as you follow that rule, Polish Horseshoes is impossible not to be fun.
Jimmy T is a regular columnist for BroBible. Follow him on Twitter: @jimsveryunusual.