A recent study has determined the creepiest habits that human beings have. I’m going to go ahead and say this now: you’re all guilty of at least one of these creepy habits. Don’t fret though, there’s hope for you yet, and ditching these 18 creepy habits could mean the difference between you going home with some dimepiece from the bar or you eventually getting fired from your job for poor hygiene (don’t be the smelly guy, NEVER be the smelly guy).
In addition to the 18 creepiest habits this study ‘On the nature of creepiness‘ published in the New Ideas in Psychology journal also pinpointed the creepiest hobbies and professions. So here they are, the 18 creepiest habits that human beings can have (as determined by the 1341 participants in the study).
I’ve reordered the list a little to put the ‘creepy habits’ at the top that I’m guessing most of you bros are either guilty of every single day or have been guilty of in the past.
1. Odd/dirty clothes
2. Pale skin
3. Bags under eyes
4. Unkempt hair
5. Steering conversation toward one topic (especially sex)
6. Asking to take a picture of you
7. Greasy hair
8. Standing too close
9. Peculiar smile
10. Bulging eyes
11. Having a mental illness
12. Long fingers
13. Licking lips frequently
14. Laughing at odd times
15. Making it impossible to leave without seeming rude
16. Displaying unwanted sexual interest
17. Being very thin
18. Displaying too much/little emotion.
The fully psychological study is behind a paywall, so I’m unable to access it, but The British Psychological Society synthesized the finding and also listed the creepiest professions and hobbies that humans can have:
“While they may not be overtly threatening, individuals who display unusual patterns of nonverbal behaviour, odd emotional characteristics or highly distinctive physical characteristics are outside of the norm, and by definition unpredictable. This may activate our ‘creepiness detector’,” the researchers said.
The four most creepy professions, in order, were clown, taxidermist, sex shop owner and funeral director (least creepy was meteorologist). The creepiest hobbies were those that involved collecting (especially body parts like finger nails, or insects) or watching or photographing other people.
Consistent with the researchers’ theory that creepiness stems from ambiguity, participants said the typical creepy person makes them feel uncomfortable because they cannot predict how he or she will behave.
So here’s how you stop being a creep…
Step 1: throw that bag of fingernails you keep in your closet away and never speak of it again.
Step 2: wash your goddamn clothes. Never go to the bar without wearing clean clothes and a tight haircut. As 30 Rock‘s Jack Donaghy once said ‘Your hair is your head suit’, and you should treat it as such.
Step 3: if you’re a close talker you really need to cut that shit out because NOBODY likes a close talker.
Step 4: go get a tan, even if it’s a spray on (if it’s a spray on though make sure you don’t tell anybody).
Step 5: Rinse, repeat.
Creepy Man image courtesy of Shutterstock.com