It’s officially college lacrosse season and you know who is pumed? This fucking guy. Lax lax lax. Lax lax lax. Lax is the shit.
Though games are still a month away, the USILA DI Coaches’ Poll just dropped. As BroBible’s resident college laxer (I still hold the record for highest save percentage in DIII history, min. 2 attempts), I’m here to walk you through the poll.
The appropriate soundtrack for reading this is O.A.R’s Live at Red Rocks, which I listened to while blogging this.
1. Denver: A 2014 semi-finalist, the Denver Pioneers head into the season as the top team in the nation. They almost upset Duke last year, and are returning three All-Americans from last season, as well as the 2014 Big East Goalkeeper of the Year in Ryan LaPlante. Always important to be strong in net. Expect Denver to easily return to the NCAA semifinals, if not win the whole damn thing. Coach Bill Tierney, formerly of Princeton, is building something special in the Rocky Mountains.
2. Notre Dame: Receiving just three fewer points in the poll are the Fighting Irish, who lost to Duke in last year’s championship game. Notre Dame returns a high-powered offense, helmed by attackman Matt Kavanagh, a preseason All-American who set a Notre Dame record with 75 points last year.
3. Duke: Fuck Duke.
4. Syracuse: This Powell Brothers highlight reel is set to Nelly and is dope as fuck. The Powell brothers were nasty at lacrosse. They were like the Nellys of lacrosse.
5. Johns Hopkins: Hopkins is always good, and you can expect them to be good again this year. I also once went to a camp held by their coach, Dave Pietramala. If he lost about 20 pounds, he would look like a real-life Eric Taylor.
I would run through walls for that man.
6. North Carolina: I know nothing about this team.
7. Loyola: I know nothing about this team.
8. Maryland: I thought Maryland won the title last year. I am not as up to speed on my lacrosse as I should be.
9. Virginia: I imagine, as per usual, Dom Starsia will field a team of upstanding young gentleman.
10. Cornell: I know nothing about this team.
11. Harvard:I know nothing about this team.
12. Albany: I know nothing about this team.
13. Penn: I know nothing about this team.
14. Penn State: I know nothing about this team.
15. Yale: I know nothing about this team.
16. Drexel: I know nothing about this team.
17. Hofstra: I know nothing about this team.
18. Lehigh: I know nothing about this team.
19. Bryant: I have never even heard of this team.
20. Army: I know nothing about this team.
Here’s to a great 2015 season!