Sometimes I think to myself “Y’know, maybe I would be a happier person if I just let myself completely go and ate whatever I wanted.” Then I read about people like Christopher Mitchell and realize there must be a requirement that states your IQ has to be below 90 in order to be part of the fat people club. According to Florida police (of course this happened in Florida) Christopher here came up with the Nobel Prize worthy idea of hiding 23 grams worth of marijuana in his fat folds during a traffic stop.
“Christopher Mitchell—whose aliases include “Fat Boy” and “Biggie”—appeared nervous during a traffic stop, a drug-sniffing dog was called in and a search turned up 23 grams of marijuana stashed under rolls of fat…”
Via Newser
My best guess is that he panicked and threw it under one of his moobs when he realized he couldn’t reach his asshole. How do I know he probably couldn’t reach his asshole? Well…
“The drug-running suspect and his driver were pulled over near Osteen on Friday for not wearing a seat belt…The big passenger, Christopher Mitchell, 42, told the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office deputy he was too fat to wear a seatbelt, arrest records show.”
Via NY Daily News
If you’re so fat that the seat belt in your car won’t reach across your blubbering bod, there’s a good chance your butthole has become the equivalent of Zimbabwe, aka you have no idea where it is and couldn’t find it on a map if it was sitting right in front of you. Killin’ it Florida, straight killin’ it.
[H/T Newser]