It’s Sunday night, and your girlfriend is inevitably mad at you for blowing her off all day to watch football. What do you do? Do you make her dinner? No, it’s too late. Do you open her a bottle of wine? Yes, but if you think that will solve all your problems you should just give up now. “Ok smart-ass,” you’re thinking, “what do I do to get back in her good books before bed time?” It’s real simple: you relinquish control of the TV.
Don’t worry, not actually, you just need her to think she’s in control of the TV. The key is to put one of these on immediately after football. By putting something on directly after the game there’s no room for negotiation and she’ll probably think it’s the start of another football game.
When she realizes the rom-com nature of the intro, she’ll think you were being sensitive and researched what she might be interested in but in reality you’re actually forcing her to watch these.
The following are five sure-fire things to throw on the tube to get back on her good side without compromising your masculinity:
1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a classic. It’s got everything you need to make a good chick flick: adorable dorky actor Jason Segel getting his heart broken, the brunette winning over the successful blonde, the ultimate honeymoon destination of Hawaii and half naked Russell Brand. It also happens to have everything you need to make the ultimate Bro movie: Aldous Snow (the rock and roll legend), the 10/10 babe that is Mila Kunis, Jonah Hill (post-Superbad but pre-21 Jump Street), and surfing. This one’s a great choice if she’s slightly irritated with you or almost pissed but still thinks you’re cute and funny.
2. That Awkward Moment (2014)
This cannot possibly go wrong. This movie has Zac Efron in it so if she’s still pissed at you after this you’ve probably done more than just ignore her for football all day. The storyline is a pretty average romantic-comedy. Boy doesn’t want to settle down, boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy does something stupid, girl leaves boy, boy gets girl back and settles down /end screenplay. She’s going to love it because if Imogen Poots (I had never heard of her either) can end up with Zac Efron maybe he’s not out of your girl’s league either. My personal favorite scene involves a dildo and a father-in-law-to-be but I won’t ruin it for you. This one’s got more of a typical chick flick feel than Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but I have confidence you’ll be able to sit through it without totally hating me for suggesting it.
3. Despicable Me (2010)
I’ve only seen this once so you’ll have to forgive my less than stellar plot synopsis but it seemed to do the job. All I really remember is that I scored major brownie points when I finally agreed to watch it. The cast is well done and it’s got two of our favorites from Forgetting Sarah Marshall — Jason Segel and Russell Brand— along with Steve Carell. It’s also animated so it’s hard to go wrong with that. Not much more to say about this movie other than how ridiculously cute the little minions are, don’t be surprised if she brings up the kids discussion after this. You’ve been warned.
4. Friday Night Lights (2006 – 2011)
Friday Night Lights is a strange one to throw up on here because it was probably football that got you in this mess in the first place but it deserves a spot on this list nonetheless. The plot surrounds a small town in Texas where high school football is the only going on. Your girlfriend (hopefully we can still call her that at this point) will enjoy all the eye-candy football players that look far too old to actually be in high school and you will surprisingly enjoy probably the entire show. If you’re lucky you two will make a habit of watching a couple of episodes after Sunday night football and you won’t have to consult this list again.
Is she already throwing your shit out the window? Then you might need something a little more diabolical. I’m not messing around here, only break this out in seriously dire-situations.
5. Criminal Minds (2005 –)
I’m not joking, there’s something about this show that drives girls crazy. The premise is pretty simple; a group of special agents evaluate a serial killer’s psyche. I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline, the actual serial killers themselves or Matthew Gray Gubler but this show is like crack to girls. Literally pick any episode from any of the 10 seasons and your girlfriend will forget she was mad at you faster than you can spell insane asylum.
Disclaimer: Prepare to waste 4+ hours of your life after you put this one because it’s impossible to watch “just one episode”.
This show is your Ace-in-the-hole, it will get you out of situations worse than that time your sister caught you banging her camp counselor. Either that or I should reevaluate the girls I date because clearly they’re all obsessed with serial killers.
The best part about all this is that she thinks you gave in and she won, where in reality you tricked her into thinking that therefore you won. The sooner you realize it’s all about her thinking she won, the sooner you realize peace and happiness.
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