Aaron Hernandez’s Ex-Best Friend Testifies Against Him And Puts Him On Blast

I enjoy doing activities with my best friend like golfing, grabbing a couple cold brewskis, getting rub-and-tugs biweekly, etc. I’d say shooting my best friend in the face is something I haven’t yet got around to. But I’m not ex-Patriots tight end and current suspect of multiple murders, Aaron Hernandez.

Hernandez allegedly shot ex-best friend, Alexander Bradley, in the face following an argument leaving a Florida strip club in February of 2013. Bradley survived miraculously after being shot between the eyes and left in an industrial park.

Which is why it isn’t surprising that Bradley took to the witness stand to put Hernandez on blast to reveal some insane tidbits into the life of the suspected murderer.

According to tweets released by Sports Illustrated reporter Michael McCann,

Shayanna Jenkins, Hernandez’s fiancee, admitted to removing a mystery box from his Massachusetts home that Hernandez instructed her to dispose of.

This seems valid to me, everytime I watch porn, I think the NSA is spying on me through my Mac’s camera hole. But I’m just shooting semen, not friends in the face. *Important distinction*

I’m a constant smoker and I cannot conceive this much marijuana. But I guess BroBible hasn’t given me a $40 million contract. Yet.

On this testimony alone, Hernandez seems like a guy I’d want to chill with, if I wasn’t in constant fear he’d shoot me execution style if I dropped the roach.

This is getting real.

For you youngsters, Kato Kaelin is a television personality that testified in the prosecution of O.J. Simpson after staying in a guest home on the Simpson property. Simpson’s children mocked him as a ‘freeloader.’

Great. Feel pretty good about the possibility of Aaron Hernandez walking and executing anyone who looks in his direction. I won’t leave my basement.

[H/T Complex]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.