New App Uses Quick Tests To Determine How Stoned You Are–But You’re Too High To Read The Results, Aren’t You?

by 4 years ago

There are some activities where you just have to be the highest you can possibly be. These activities include seeing a Pixar movie, going to a Phish show, eating, breathing, and living, just to name a few.

But how can you be sure, I mean absolutely SURE that you’re the stony-bologneied to the max?

This new app called ‘My Canary‘ will tell you, if you can open your eyes wide enough to read the results. The price of the app is $4.99, or roughly the price of 4-6 items off the dollar menu. I think, too stoned to do the math.

The creator of the app, Marc Silverman, who spent two years developing the app with psychologists and psychiatrists, claims “this is a first-of-its-kind app to quickly measure how impaired you are from the effects of marijuana.”

It is marketed to stoners who want to smoke responsibly and not endanger themselves or others before doing things like operating heavy machinery, driving a car, or having a conversation with your parents.

Here’s how it works:

The app gives you four quick tests to be completed in under three minutes. The tests measure memory, balance, reaction time, and time perception.

Silverman suggests taking the tests a few times completely sober to establish a baseline. The only problem with that is you have to etch out a time to be sober. Ugh.

Then take them when you’re ripped, and the app compares aberrations to your baseline result, which will indicate how stoned you are.

Here is a summary of the four tests:

The memory test involves a random display of six numbers floating around your screen , before disappearing. You will then have to repeat the same number sequence from memory.

The balance test is the standard test given by cops, asking you to stand on one leg holding your phone close to your body. The app then measures your postural stance and balance.

The reaction time test has a series of buttons of different shapes that pop up and then disappear. The same buttons then reappear on the screen with new ones, and you are tasked with choosing only the buttons displayed from the original set.

The time perception test requires the participant to count out loud for what they believe to be 20 seconds, and the app determines how close you were to actual 20 seconds.

The app does that thing it does, and spews out your results in comparison to your baseline score, showing a red light if you’re impaired, a yellow light if you’re possibly impaired, or a green light if you’re normal.

Since it launches, the app has been downloaded more than 10,000 times. He hopes to have it available for Android next year.

Another way to reach the same results is if you can feel your face, you’re not stoned enough.

Almost there, bro. One more hit.



[h/t CNN Money]