The Average Person Who Eats Meat Will Eat Over 7,000 Delicious, Juicy Animals In Their Life

All Bros can agree that vegetarians are pretty annoying, right? Like they show up to your cook-outs in the Prius with a jug full of fancy cucumber water and are like “ugggh, you don’t have any soy burgers? Why is everyone here such barbaric carnivores? Don’t you realize how bad meat is for you?”

Shut. Up. And no. We don’t.

We think it’s DELICIOUS. The mere mention of throwing some burgers on the grill makes us salivate with thoughts of delicious, juicy, tender meats melting in our mouth. Can you imagine life without bacon? Without farm-cooked sausage? Without ribs? Without pulled pork smothered in BBQ sauce? Without fried chicken? Without brisket? Without burgers oozing melted cheese? I can’t. A life without meats is not a life not life worth living. Meat rules. Kale sucks.

Mmmmm. Meat.

A study published in The Daily Mail has discovered just how much meat the average carnivore consumes  in a lifetime. Calculated by a suspicious, meat-hating group called “The Vegetarian Calculator” (which is “urging people to eat less meat to reduce their impact on the environment”), the study has discovered that meat-eaters in Britain who live to 80 eat over 7,000 animals in their life time.  It breaks down to…

11 cows.

27 pigs.

80 turkeys.

27 pigs.

2,400 chickens.

And there’s this:

If rabbits, ducks, geese, goats, prawns, squid and other small animals are included then the total rises closer to 7,500.

For Ron Swanson, there’s no doubt that number is easily multiplied by two. Maybe three. At least 20,000. Deal with it, vegetarians.


Brandon Wenerd avatar
BroBible's publisher and a founding partner, circa 2009. Brandon is based in Los Angeles, where he oversees BroBible's partnership team and other business development activities. He still loves to write and create content, including subjects related to internet culture, food, live music, Phish, the Grateful Dead, Philly sports, and adventures of all kinds. Email: