Mega Douche Boyfriend Dumps Girlfriend With Flowers And An Aggressive Note That Probably Will Ruin Her Life


My father always said to take the high road. He used to say “take the high road, the view is much better.” Actually he never fucking said that, I just looked up that quote on Google. I was basically taught to burn bridges and scorch the earth i anyone wronged me. My father was a tough love kind of guy. When I was a kid I literally tried to burn an actual bridge in my town. I now know what a ‘metaphor’ is.

It looks like this British dude named Ally (yes, dude named ‘Ally.’ Goddamn Brits) is just a grown up version of my childish self after dumping his girlfriend in an absolutely BRUTAL manner.

It started out as a kind, thoughtful gesture from one loving boyfriend to a deserving girlfriend.


Awww. Her favorite. Ally, you shouldn’t have!

No really, Ally–you shouldn’t have.


The contents of the note:

We were never meant to be, there is no way you would ever be my forever. Your a bit of a cunt and I hope you find someone who can love you for it.
Don’t try to message me because your number is blocked.

Ally x

P.S. You were a shit shag.

There has to be motive. You don’t just break out ‘cunt’ because you’re no longer fulfilled in the relationship.

To confirm this theory, I invite in Gigi, a friend of the girl who got dumped who posted it to Twitter. Like a good friend.


Regardless of the murky circumstances, we can draw one tried-and-true conclusion from all this:

[h/t Happy Place]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.