NASA Scientists Find An Inexplicable Pyramid On Dwarf Planet Ceres And It’s Gotta Be An Alien Burial Ground
For those of you unfamiliar with it, Ceres is the largest object in the Asteroid Belt. Being the biggest thing in the strip of space between Jupiter and Mars isn’t all that impressive, though. Its diameter is only about 600 miles across, which is shorter than the average road trip you’ve taken with your Bros over Spring Break.
So if you wanted to drive around it and booze the whole time, you could probably do it with only a case of beer. But don’t drink and space drive. Although not illegal, you don’t wanna hit a bump and go careening off the surface into the vastness of the universe. Especially not when you are running low on beer.
The reason we are talking about Ceres right now and not, I dunno, tits, is because NASA recently sent a spacecraft there to explore it. (If only NASA would do the same for tits, maybe its funding wouldn’t be getting slashed so hard right now.)
Ever since the spacecraft Dawn arrived at Ceres, scientists have been mystified by its weird shit. Not only is the dwarf planet covered in bright spots that the world’s best minds are at a loss to explain, they’ve found a giant pyramid on it.
Look at that thing in the red circle.
That’s a fucking alien burial ground. What else could it be. A mountain? Hell no. Planets that small don’t develop mountains. A land zit? What are you, slow?
That’s an alien burial ground, I’ll say it again. And it’s huge. From NASA:
The latest images also show a mountain with steep slopes protruding from a relatively smooth area of the dwarf planet’s surface. The structure rises about 3 miles (5 kilometers) above the surface.
That means we are either dealing with a gigantic species of alien, who require three miles of height to be completely buried, or the alien king just died.
I don’t know which terrifies me more, to be frank.