This Chick’s Reaction To Finding Out Her Ex Is Now Dating A Hot Model Is Not What You’d Expect

There are two reactions a bro can have when finding out his ex is dating someone better looking than he is: 1.) “That dude looks wide-eyed and happy now, but just wait a month. Sucker.” 2.) “Mom….do you think I’m handsome?”

The first reaction indicates that said bro is better off having cut a perceived tumor out of his life and the second reaction implies that the bro, to some extent, has failed to cope with the post-relationship residual feelings. That, and he values the opinion of his mother.

The second reaction is probably more common, as seeing the one you used to love with someone else, anyone else, is a tough pill to swallow. The self-pity is usually followed by a tirade about every single flaw you see in the dude, even the irrational ones your mind constructed as a defense mechanism. “Cool shoes, bro. As long as you’re cool with Nike promoting sweatshops, child labor, and institutional slavery of course.“Aww look at this picture of you adopting two dogs from the shelter. Couldn’t make it three, pussy?” “Oh this Facebook post says you disagree with Steven Avery’s conviction. I vote death penalty.” Literally, my girlfriend could start dating Leonardo DiCaprio and I’d be like “OOOOH COOL (20 minute pause) At least I didn’t die on the Titanic boom roasted.

And then there is Marian Bull, the girl featured in the above…meltdown?

Marian bursts into hysterics when she finds out her ex-boyfriend is dating a smoking hot girl and instead of shitting all over her volunteer work at UNICEF, she proceeds to compliment her? ??

Displaying a divine sense of perspective and level-headedness is for the birds. Prohibiting someone you used to love from ever loving again is the way to operate. Pull it together, Marian.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.