This Couple Has The Loudest Sex In All Of New York City, According To Complaints Registered By 311

This is where I’m supposed to puff my chest out and say, “Oh, hell no, bitch. My wife and I own that record. We fuck like renegades. You best believe that.” But I’m not going to say that because we’re fairly considerate people. We also don’t have whatever disease it is that causes people to scream bloody murder when they feel sexual pleasure. Our bed might test the durability of the sheetrock on the walls from hitting it repeatedly, but we’re not howling at the fucking moon. My vinegar strokes are silent, deadly.

Not this couple from Bay Ridge Brooklyn, though. They’re a couple of inconsiderate fucks. For that matter, it seems that the loudest lovers in NYC all live in Brooklyn. Of all the boroughs in the city, Brooklyn has the most registered 311 complaints about people having loud sex. So it’s only fitting that this couple won. You’d hate to be the borough who fucks the hardest overall only to see the king and queen of loud sex living in Queens.

[Side Note: When I read that last sentence over again I saw King of Queens. Then I envisioned Kevin James having sex. I thought I’d mention that because I don’t want to be the only one with a ruined day. You’re welcome.]

According to PIX 11:

In 2014, the city received six calls coming from neighbors at 7201 Ridge Blvd. reporting the amorous pair’s bedroom activities, according to data compiled by DNAinfo. The couple apparently moved into the building sometime in October, according to an anonymous complainant who submitted this to 311 at 4:40 a.m. on a Friday in mid-November:

“Neighbors are having very loud sex with the windows open that can be heard throughout the whole bldg. [sic]”

“I’m not a prude but there are kids in the building, and it was just a ridiculously loud amount of noise being made that the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your f–ing windows you whore!’” the complainant told DNAinfo.

PIX11 caught up with the couple, who ran from our cameras.