I always wondered what it would be like to run into an actual secret agent. Like someone who had seen some other-level shit but was never allowed to talk about it. I’m sure these people would not be safe to be around, but imagine having that story up your sleeve when trying to impress chicks at a bar? You’d never not get laid.
So I’m a little bummed about missing Ryan Fricks in Florida when he decided to break into a convenience store for a snack and then hide in a bush to watch the cops show up.
Via Fox 5:
“A man arrested by Polk County deputies — after throwing a piece of concrete through the glass door of a convenience store in an effort to steal energy drinks, cigarettes and a honey bun — told them he was on a “secret and classified mission” when he committed the crimes, according to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies said around 3:30 Tuesday afternoon, Ryan Fricks broke through the front door of the Little Dixie #2 store. Once inside, deputies said the 22-year-old took two packs of Newport cigarettes, two Monster energy drinks, and a honey bun. The total value of items he stole was around $20. The damage to the front door, however, was around $1,000. Deputies said Fricks ran off, but, based on his appearance in the store’s surveillance video, they found him using the Polk County Sheriff’s Office aircraft unit. He was apparently hiding between two buses in the Frostproof Middle-Senior High School’s bus parking lot.
Deputies who interviewed Fricks after arresting him quoted him as saying, “I was just wanting a drink, I didn’t care about the [expletive] money… I busted the front door because I was thirsty.”
He also told deputies he was walking to Frostproof from Lake Wales the night before, on a “secret and classified mission,” but could not disclose details of what the mission entailed. He continued to confess for breaking into the convenience store and stealing the items. He also revealed he hid in some bushes in the parking lot of a Foodway, drinking the energy drinks while watching units respond to the burglary. That’s when he ran toward the school.
Fricks was charged with burglary of an unoccupied business, petit theft (first offense), and trespassing on school grounds. He was taken to the Polk County jail.”
Once you participate in a few highly confidential and dangerous missions, standard things like American currency or American laws are notably tossed to the wayside. Understandably so, too. When you’ve been tasked with chasing down terrorists or inciting coups in failing countries to overthrow dictators, having $20 seems like an unnecessary obstacle you have to hurdle in order to get honey buns, energy drinks and cigarettes. Also, I’m assuming that when you’re out on secret and classified missions, you can’t have those three things, because otherwise I’m not sure why you would break into a convenience store. It makes sense, though. Honey buns make your hands sticky, thus making it hard to use weapons. Energy drinks prevent you from sleeping when you need to. thus making you more susceptible for mistakes. And cigarettes give away your position, thus getting you killed faster than the cigarettes can. I’m just pissed I’m missing out on an opportunity to hear more of the stories this guy has. Because he either has some great ones or is actually just a drug addict who got way too high and got arrested after breaking into a convenience store.