Turns Out Loser Male Dinosaurs Had A Sex Life As Lame As Yours

by 3 years ago
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One of the most annoying things about modern male life is the ridiculous courtship process we must go through to get laid. The rigmarole of dates, of expensive drinks, of having to impress, of spending money just to get the sweet, sweet sex.

(I don’t necessarily have a better solution, but that doesn’t mean I can’t complain about the process.)

It’s just a lot of bullshit, and when it often winds up with you empty handed (instead of having your hands full of tits), it can leave you feeling really, really, really frustrated.

Like, there’s gotta be something better. And easier. A process that doesn’t leave you feeling so lame, impotent, and emasculated so frequently.

Dinosaurs, man. Talk about some people who didn’t give a shit about some bullshit. You’d think they’d have a good system for getting laid, what with being, you know, reptile kings and what not.

Nah, man. Dude dinosaurs did the same fucking shit. They had to buy dinosaur tapas, and walk girls to their dinosaur doors and hope that they’d get invited up to the dinosaur bed.

At least, that’s what a new study in Scientific Reports says, about how lame dude dinosaur had to go through courtship dances.Thank god us Bros don’t have to do that in 2015.

From ScienceMag.org:

Did meat-eating dinosaurs like Tyrannosaurus rex do a chicken dance to woo their mates? That’s the implication of a new study, which points to fossilized foot scrapes as evidence that a variety of dinosaurs pranced like parrots and puffins to impress the opposite sex. The finding adds further evidence that ancient dinos shared many of the same behaviors as their modern bird relatives.

Basically, they had to show off for the ladies, the prehistoric equivalent of pulling out an American Express black card. Or grinding at the club real good.

The scrape marks were uncovered at four sites in Colorado by a team led by Martin Lockley, a paleontologist at the University of Colorado, Denver. Three of the sites are in western Colorado, and one is in the east of the state. All contain sediments of the Dakota Sandstone, a geological formation laid down during the Cretaceous period, which stretched from about 145 million to 66 million years ago.

From their size and shape, Lockley thinks the traces were probably made by the meat-eating dinosaur Acrocanthosaurus, which lived about 110 million years ago and was one of the largest carnivores in the area at that time.

Writing online today in Scientific Reports, the team argues that the scrapes closely resemble those made by ground nesting birds—such as the Atlantic puffin and some species of plovers and parrots—that engage in “very energetic” courtship displays, which include lots of prancing around and scratching the ground.

Getting laid, man. It’s always been full of bullshit.

Such is life, I guess.

[H/T Reebs]


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