I try to help people out by telling them to never drive drunk. Don’t drive drunk and talk yourself into a ticket. Don’t drive drunk and do donuts in the middle of an intersection. Don’t drive drunk even when you’re whizzing around in your motorized wheelchair. And especially don’t drive drunk when you have a 15-foot tree wedged in the grille of your car.
Maryann Christy has 99 problems and a birch is one. On January 23, the 54-year-old was driving her 2004 Lincoln in Illinois. However, there were two teensy weensy issues that may have tipped off police that she was driving while intoxicated. First, she was driving the wrong way. Second, she was driving with a giant tree lodged in the grille of the front of her car.
She might as well have had a humongous banner on her car that said, “Hey everybody look at me! I’m driving drunk and I don’t give a fuck!!!”
Approximately at 11 p.m., police pulled over the driver who seemed to be oak-kay despite having crashed into a tree and continuing to drive. Officers said the woman smelled of alcohol and she was stumped by field sobriety tests. So they could not leave her alone and was cited fir driving under the influence.
Authorities wooden specify if trunk driving is part of the woman’s daily root-ine or if she has a history of alcoholism in her family tree.
Her shady actions were completely irresponsible and even the French would agree that her reckless behavior was anything but “tree bien.” Yew could go out on a limb and call this knotty driver a dumb ash.
Hopefully she didn’t make things worse by trying to grease the palms of law enforcement.
The poplar notion among local residents is that they are re-leaved that this dangerous drunk driver didn’t hurt anyone.
The police report simply said the following, “Stopped for driving with a large tree embedded in the front grille.”
The Roselle Police Department posted photos of this sap that came out of the woodwork and drove around with a tree on her car.
I guess you could say that tree’s company.
[CNN]