Bro Drunkenly Texts ‘What Is Life?’ To Friend And Gets Back Insane Response

Getting drunk and texting people isn’t anything new. I imagine long before cell phones, people got hammered and wrote each other letters. I’d much rather receive a drunk letter than a drunk text. Drunk letters don’t demand your attention at 3am by beeping, buzzing and vibrating until you answer.

A guy celebrating his birthday did a little drunk texting and randomly asked his friend “what is life?” That’s a heavy question to ponder but completely normal for a drunk person to ask. Only drunk, high or stoned does the brain wonder questions too deep for a sober mind. No one ever gets fucked up and asks “what’s the best Hot Pocket?” Alright, maybe they do.

Drunk bro was probably expecting a sarcastic response in return or at least a plea from his pal to “leave me the fuck alone it’s late” but instead received a pretty deep return text.

“A board-game that sucks, a cereal that’s fucking awesome, a magazine that’s owned by boys, and the inconceivable act of dynamic matter gathering, moving, self-propelling itself first to form, then to mind, and eventually SOMEHOW, to consciousness, so that you can ponder the cosmos and bask in the warmth of love amongst manmade canyons while celebrating the otherwise pointless anniversary of not the day you were formed, nor thought your first thought, but rather the moment you drew your first breath on this en-tirelessly pointless spinning rock that not only posses life, but is absolutely covered by it.”

Whoa. That’s a deep answer. I bet his buddy was stoned. I’ve got a much better question though, one the drunk guy should have texted way before pondering the meaning of life. That question is “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, DUDE? IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE GETTING SHIT FACED WITH ME?!?”

Answer that, little Neil DeGrasse.

[H/T: Reddit]

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.