I’m all for equal gender rights and letting Lena Dunham stay in America, but whenever I hear the ‘we make 70 cents to your dollar!’ spiel, I attribute the difference to be used for the engagement/wedding ring expense. Lets call it a wash, ladies.
Granted, you have to carry around a dumbbell in your stomach for nine months and push a tiny human out your vaginas to create the miracle of life and all we have to do is jizz and roll over, but besides that, we’re totally even. Jesus, stop fighting us.
If I had it my way, we’d get rid of the impractical, egregiously expensive custom that is the wedding ring and replace it with a hand-written heartfelt letter (3-5 pages) on why you believe you two should be forever binded, legally. Buying a wedding ring is as stupid and annoying as saying ‘Bless You’ after someone sneezes or holding the door for someone 10 feet back so they have to jog to operate on your schedule.
And this ring thing can hurt bros’ feelings.
Take this dude Quinn McRae, for example.
Quinn, like most of us, is ballin on a budget. He is in love, though. And our shitty society says the two cannot be mutually exclusive.
Quinn went to the Pandora store to pick out a cheap $125 Sterling silver and CZ (cubic zirconia) ring to signal to his girlfriend Ariel that he’d like to spend the rest of his life with her.
Already feeling shitty for only being able to afford one of Pandora’s cheaper rings, his feelings were crushed when one of the store workers mocked his decision.
Ariel wrote on social media:
“While we were purchasing my rings however, another lady that was working there came over to help the lady selling them to us.
“She said, “Y’all can you believe that some men get these as engagement rings? How pathetic.”
“When she said that I watched my now husband’s face fall.
“He already felt bad because he couldn’t afford the pear-shaped set that so obviously had my heart and covered my Pinterest page.”
“He already felt like a failure, asking me again and again “Are you sure you’ll be happy with these? Are you sure this is okay?” He was so upset at the idea of not making me happy enough and of me not wanting to marry him because my rings didn’t cost enough money or weren’t flashy enough.”
Despite the haters, Quinn followed through and purchased the ring even though it cost less than a quarter of weed.
Good on these two for breaking the mold. It would be an interesting study to see what the correlation is between expensive rings and divorce rates. Someone complete this study quick so I have an excuse for my girlfriend when I give her a Ring Pop.