Pissant Kid Gets Electrocuted Trying To Steal A Booby-Trapped Trump Sign From His Neighbor’s Lawn, Justice Served

Brilliant. I swear to Jesus when I retire, I’m not going to travel the world or learn a new language, I’m going to stick polarizing signs on my lawn and just perch up in a tree in full camo with a paintball gun and a bottle of Evan Williams just praying some little piss ant steps foot on my lawn so I can unload 30 years of working-for-the-man stress that only watching a child cry can alleviate. Oh you tried to nab my “Bush Did 9/11” sign Tommy? You may need a week long ice bath to heal the wounds I’ll inflict on your baby body. I’ll be in for dinner in a sec hunny, just need to teach one more spoiled little shit a lesson on property law. Who the fuck am I kidding, my wife will leave me far before that. Don’t fuck with a man whose lost everything except a “Hillary Did Harambe” sign.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.