Dude Suing His Date For $17.31 Because She Texted Through ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy’ Is A Civil Rights Hero

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1. Cancer
2. ISIS
3. People Texting In Movie Theaters
4. LaVar Ball
5. The Gluten Allergy Farce

These are, without question, the top 5 problems the world faces today. I would have said global warming, but I’m not a big polar bear guy.

Number three may be the easiest epidemic to eradicate. Here’s how. I’ve contacted my local government official to push this law: Every person caught texting in movie theaters is legally obligated to pass their cell phone around the theater, at which point every movie-goer has the option of taking a picture of his/her genitalia and sending it to the person he/she was texting. Problems are just complaints without solutions, my friends.

But, every change needs a signature case, which we have been gifted.

A Texas man is suing his date for texting on her phone during a showing of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. He is seeking $17.31, the price of admission for the 3D showing.

Brandon Vezmar, 37, filed the suit in a small claims court last Thursday in Travis County, Texas, after he took the unidentified woman on a date May 6 to a theater in Barton Creek Square in Austin. It would turn out to the “first date from hell.”

According to Newsweek,

He alleges his date began texting 15 minutes into the movie. “This is like one of my biggest pet peeves,” he said.

In the court filing obtained by the Statesman, Vezmar claimed the woman “activated her phone at least 10-20 times in 15 minutes to read and send text messages.”

He said he asked the woman to stop and suggested she leave the auditorium to continue texting. The woman, he claims, then left the theater and did not return.

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In the lawsuit, Vezmar said the woman was in “direct violation” of the theater’s policy against the use of mobile devices.

“While damages sought are modest, the principle is important as defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society,” the filing said.

I think Vezmar is totally in the wrong in seeking $17.31 for the offense. The fact that he isn’t seeking the death penalty signals to every basic chick out there that the violation for movie texting will just cost them the price of two pumpkin spice lattes is a bad example to set as a society.

[h/t Newsweek]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.