This Is The Dumbest, Laziest Attempt At Stealing An ATM In History

As we’ve all learned from playing Heists in GTA 5, to pull off a successful larceny you need thorough planning, attention to detail and a good getaway driver. This bungling burglar had none of those things and it showed with his hilariously failed attempt of stealing an ATM.

We take you to Australia where this absent-minded imbecile broke into a gas station convenience store to steal the ATM. His grand plan was to tie a chain around the ATM, then drag it from his truck to his home. Already there’s so many logistical issues with this scheme. You don’t think that other motorists will see your truck dragging an ATM and call the authorities? Well lucky for this simpleton he never had to worry about those particular details.

The Queensland Police Service released CCTV footage of the man busting the glass door with a brick and sledgehammer. He ties the chain to the ATM. So far, so good. He gets in his vehicle and drives away. Sans ATM. Dummy didn’t connect the two chains together.

After realizing his goof, he returned a short time later, and attempted to reconnect the chain to his vehicle. Shit-for-brains didn’t back his truck up close enough to connect the chains. So instead of taking the 32-seconds to back his truck up three-feet he just drives off. This jackhole had already done all of the hard work. This criminal is not very good at criminaling.

Hey dummy, the saying is “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.” The adage isn’t, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, again and if that doesn’t work fuck it.”

The only ATM theft that ended worse was from Breaking Bad.