Affluenza Asshole Ethan Couch Is Going To Big Boy Jail After Drunk Driving Crash That Killed Four People

by 4 years ago

ethan couch

I’m sure by now all you bros are familiar with Ethan Couch aka Affluenza Teen aka Giant Dickface who killed four people in a drunk driving incident in Texas back in 2013. Couch’s blood-alcohol level was nearly three times the legal limit for adult drivers. He was 16 years old at the time of the crash.

“I’m Ethan Couch, I’ll get you out of this,” the drunk teen told one of his passengers at the scene, according to trial notes.

Couch, who turned 19 on Monday, avoided jail by somehow managing to argue that he suffered from “affluenza,” a condition that is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, but claims that the child was so coddled by his rich parents that he wasn’t able to decipher right from wrong.

The judge bought it for reasons unknown to any rational human being, which proved to backfire after he was spotted drinking when someone posted a beer pong dunk video involving him online. This was obviously a violation of his probation, but rather than turning himself in, the teen and his mother fled to Mexico where Couch blew more than $2,000 on hookers and booze at a Mexican Mafia hangout. He was ultimately detained in Mexico, and had to wake his mother to bail him out.

Couch spent his first day in big boy court today where State District Judge Wayne Salvant was a bit less lenient than the original slap on the wrist ruling for someone who ruined so many people’s lives, including Eric Boyles, who lost his wife and daughter in the reckless crash.

Couch has been hit with a 720-jail sentence after Judge Wayne Salvant told the teen “you’re not getting out of jail today,” according to NBC News. The ruling was suggested by prosecutors who urged the judge to hit Couch with  180 days for each victim under a different part of Texas code.

Almost two years still seems like a light sentence, but in comparison to virtual non-punishment he was originally ‘sentenced’ to, it’s basically a life sentence of solitary confinement.

Check out this video from 2013 of Anderson Cooper dismantling a psychologist who supported the ‘affluenza’ defense and suggested the country club facility Ethan was originally enrolled in. Cooking classes, horseback riding, yoga. It was basically a fucking vacation.

We can only hope that this dude is his cell mate.

the soap

[h/t NBC News]

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

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