Some people have sex dreams. Some people dream of being fantastically rich so they can live a life of fantasy. Me? I dream of pizza. Delicious, greasy pizza. Like I’ve actually woken up from naps in a hot sweat thinking about how badly I want a slice from Prince Street Pizza or Bleecker Street Pizza or Joe’s Pizza or Baker’s Pizza or GGs or Best Pizza in Williamsburg. I could literally sit here all night and just rattle off the pizza places in New York that make me drool just by thinking about them. FUCK, I JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVE PIZZA YOU GUYS
But that’s not that weird. Anyone who grew up watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Saturday mornings knows that pizza gives you superpowers. Sure — It might be loaded with sodium and cholesterol and all sorts of shit that’s *TECHNICALLY* bad for your health, but still… Pizza. It literally causes you to level the fuck up:
The fitness website Naija Gym Blog tried to shame its followers out of eating pizza. It went for some real “Just Say No” D.A.R.E. tactics, reminding people that there’s oil in those slices of heaven. Except it’s pizza — You can’t shame any fun, sane human being out of NOT eating it.
So it blew up in their face. The first high profile person to chime up was former BroBible Ask A Babe columnist and food lover Chrissy Teigen:
This was followed by a stream of wrath, because seriously — FUCK YOUR FITNESS GOALS, WHO DOESN’T LOVE PIZZA?!
The reactions to this stupid question just kept going…
Swayze said it best: