After all the negative press surrounding the Rio Olympics, the games are finally actually happening. We’ve been talking about them for so long, it was getting to the point that I wasn’t sure if they were actually going to happen. It’s kind of like when you’re in high school and have been waiting to lose your virginity for like 16 years by this point and you finally get a girlfriend and you’re just waiting for your 30 seconds of manhood fucking and you start getting the feeling it’ll never happen. Well, like the Olympics, it does. However, just because we waited so long, doesn’t mean that Rio don’t still be robbing people. Like former Russian Olympic swimmer Evgeny Korotyshkin who decided to go grab a beer during a break in events and instead got robbed by two kids with an AK-47.
“Specifically, he was headed to Bar Astor, near Ipanema Beach. Next thing Evgeny knows, these two kids carrying serious firearms came out of nowhere and mugged him.
This is a photo of those two kids. One wearing a hat covering his face and carrying an absurd semi-automatic scope rifle, and the other rocking a mean-looking pistol and covering his face with a t-shirt…the Instagram post below he says that they emptied his pockets but left him unharmed.”
Thank God for other media outlets because yaboi had less than zero idea what the caption of this photo read. “Hey idiot, why not just put the caption in Google translator like a regular fucking stupid millennial?” Well, I did, and it doesn’t make that much sense in my opinion.
I mean, I guess it kind of makes sense. I get the general idea of it. But whatever, I’m getting distracted from the fact that a dude got robbed at gunpoint walking to a bar and seems weirdly ok with it. “Guys robbed at gunpoint but let me get a pic of them for the Instagram likes. All good things.” I wonder if he used that line to get laid at the bar he was racing towards. Just walk up to a random chick and say “Sorry I’m late, sweetheart, but I got robbed at gunpoint. Buy me a drink?” I can’t imagine that would go poorly. He’d at least get a blowjob.