Germany Is Trying To Recreate An Extinct But Deadly Plague Because It’s Definitely Something We Need

by 4 years ago

If the real world was just one giant WWE storyline, this about the time the announcer would scream, “CAN YOU SMELL WHAT GERMANY IS COOKING?!” as a lead in for the character (country) of Germany to start powerbombing (launching chemical warfare attacks) on all the other characters (countries). Of course, the WWE is always a bit more streamlined than real life, so I’m simply assuming that, in the real world, we’re at the “What is Germany cooking?” phase with the power bomb coming in a few months. Why? Because German scientists are attempting to recreate a strand of an ancient but deadly plague.

Via CNN:

“The pandemic, which was called the Justinian Plague after the sixth-century Byzantine emperor Justinian I, lasted to the mid-eighth century. Now, researchers in Germany have sequenced the genome of the Y. pestis strain that they believe caused the Justinian Plague but hasn’t been seen since, according to a new study published in the journal Molecular Biology and Evolution on Tuesday.

“This study provides a better understanding of the history and the biology of the disease,” said Michal Feldman, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute and the University of Tubingen in Germany, who served as first author of the study.

“We still do not know why the Justinian plague suddenly vanished.””

No, seriously, thank you so much for bringing this back from the dead. I’m so grateful. I was just saying we needed more weaponized plagues that disappeared for no reason. I mean, here’s the million dollar question: What in the world do the Germans need a plague with no cure for? Probably something pretty good *fart noise*. Listen, I know everyone always quotes that Dwight Schrute line about needing another plague, but we really do not need another plague. It’s all fun and games until some German politicians gets pissed off at his ex-wife for banging his brother and suddenly her entire neighborhood is puking up blood. Then one of them sneaks onto a plane, makes their way to America, sneezes onto a family of four who are themselves heading to family reunion involving people from all over the country and suddenly we have the opening scene of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Powerbombs. Powerbombs everywhere.

[h/t TFM]

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