Now that we’ve moved towards a society embracing complete equality based on sexual orientation, gender, and religion, it’s time that we shift our efforts into creating equality for one of the most hated, despised, and bullied segment of the global population: gingers. Often overlooked as one of the most persecuted segments of society, gingers are forced to deal with bullying and harassment on a daily basis due to their ghostly pale skin, freckles, and fire engine red hair. Well, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel as organizers are coming together to hold a massive ‘Ginger Pride’ rally next year to empower gingers everywhere to embrace their unusual characteristics.
A few years ago the South Park dropped an episode named ‘Gingervitus’, and that episode alone might have set gingers back a hundred years. In the episode Eric Cartman first rallies against all gingers, claiming them to be unnatural and people without souls. He also coined the term ‘daywalkers’ which refers to gingers who don’t burn in direct sunlight, and are hated by other gingers for their ability to bask in the sun’s rays. Here’s a clip from the episode, but meet me on the other side so I can clear up some misinformation about gingers:
FACT: Gingers have souls just like the rest of us.
FACT: Daywalkers (a ginger that doesn’t burn in direct sunlight) have souls just like the rest of us.
FACT: Contrary to what my roommate’s uncle told him when he was a toddler regarding the freckles all over his body, freckles ARE NOT caused by elephants farting on babies. According to Wiki, this is how freckles are caused: “The exposure to UV-B radiation activates melanocytes to increase melanin production, which can cause freckles to become darker and more visible.”
FACT: Gingers do NOT glow in the dark.
FACT: Gingers do NOT possess any magical powers, at least not any more than you or I.
FACT: Gingers do NOT shed their skin monthly like boa constrictors, that is just a vicious rumor designed to spread misinformation about gingers.
FACT: Aside from not being able to go into direct sunlight and often being stricken with debilitating allergies year-round, gingers are JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.
Now that we’ve got that settled, here are the details on the upcoming ‘Ginger Pride’ rally from the Plymouth Herald:
Stuart, who lives in Lipson, said: “I thought it was never going to happen, but now it’s all coming together.
“The meeting went really well and as well as myself and my wife, three other people turned up. One is pro-wrestler and one is a musician. We all sat and talked about how we’d like to do it.”
The 43-year-old, who’s currently donning a ginger Mohican, hopes the gathering will prove that ‘gingerism’ is a thing of the past.
“I wonder if we’re approaching a time when bullying gingers is over,” he said. “Being ginger has stopped being uncool, and people are seeing more and more positives about being a red head.
“When I was much younger and out at a night club a young lady came up to me and said ‘wow, your hair is lovely, where did you get it done?’
“The best thing about being ginger, for me, is that you stand out from the crowd.”
But the ginger festival won’t be exclusively for red heads. Stuart, who is organising the event with his wife, says he wants everybody to be welcome and to get the chance of celebrating all things orange.
Stuart was inspired to organise the event after suffering with depression. A friend suggested he put his mind to something else, and Stuart says it gave him something to focus on “through the bad times”.
He said: “The meeting was so positive and there was a great energy about it. It’s great for meeting new people and making new friends; it’s been wonderful.
“It’s going to be a celebrating for people to see we’re not quite as weird as you all thought. It’s not going to be a ‘we’re gingers, we’re different’ event, we already know that, it’s just a celebration.”
He added: “It turns out that one of the guys who was at the meeting works in a local bar and at that bar there are at least two other red heads that work there apart from him. He thinks they will be very happy to host the event.
“The place in mind has a capacity of about 150/200, which seems like a reasonable ambition for our first go.
“We sent a tentative time for summer 2016 which gives us plenty of time to make plans and to promote the event.
“We do have a local celebrity who is going to judge a gingerbread decorating competition, and we’re hoping to have live music too. The daughter of one the people at the meeting is going to create display of the science of red heads.
There is a Facebook page already set up for ‘Gingers: The Gathering’ for any of you ginger bros reading this who want to get involved with this gathering of global gingers. But as stated above, ‘Gingers: The Gathering’ aka the ‘Ginger Pride’ festival will be open to everyone. So if you’re just a regular ol’ bro who can go into the sun without putting on SPF-60 and always wearing long sleeves and a hat, well head on over to the Facebook page to show your support towards the gingers!