There’s no one I could care less about the well-being of than my girlfriend’s exes. It makes me feel good when I see that Jake L. lost his job and Mike B. is now going bald. Sure, it’s insecurity on my part, but fuck it, I’m selfish but I’m winning. But the implicit competition would most certainly end if Jake or Mike kicked the can. Death means that the game’s over. Till death do us part, bro. I’d probably even be sad. Like in the way Larry Bird was devastated when arch-rival Magic Johnson’s career was derailed when he got diagnosed with HIV. In some ways, that underlying competition was the only thing keeping me from completely letting myself go.
But some people aren’t so compassionate.
An Oklahoma woman was recently arrested for illegal dissection of a human body after she went to her boyfriend’s ex’s funeral and completely fucked with the body.
According to Tulsa, Oklahoma’s News on 6, the police report that Shaynna Lauren Sims cut the dead girl’s hair, cut her cheek, and smeared her lipstick. She also removed the shoes from the corpse and stashed them in her purse. Family members immediately called the police when they saw Sims with her hands inside the casket.
The arrest report indicated that there was hair found on the floor near the casket and “a large vertical cut starting from the hairline stretching to the tip of the nose.”
When police patted down the psychopath, they found scissors, a box cutter knife, and various pieces of makeup.
Sims is being held on $10,000 bail for the incident and $10,000 on a previous charge of assault and battery. She was also charged with child neglect in February but was granted a deferred sentence at the time. WHAT A CATCH!
[H/T Barstool Sports]