Good ol’ Cinco de Mayo, the one day of the year people brave the ever-present threat of E. coli and go out of their way to eat chips and guacamole at Chipotle. Or, if you’re this girl, it’s the one day of the year where it’s socially acceptable to whip the shit out of a guy (her dad, maybe?) under the ruse that you were “aiming” for a piñata.
Yeah right – and I’m Kate Upton and my husband is the bear that mauled Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant. Likely story lady – maybe try coming up with a better excuse next year.