Girls Answer Whether Or Not They Are Turned On By Your Dick Pics And I, For One, Refuse To Be Body Shamed

Dicks are weird, man. And balls are a product of God just procrastinating and having to get in the male anatomy before the deadline…

“Ya I guess I’ll just take the gizzard from a chicken and throw a couple Cadbury eggs in there. Oh wait, almost forgot the completely unnecessary and aesthetically repulsive straggly hairs! Shit, the balls don’t fit in evenly? Whatever, good enough, I don’t answer to anyone anyway. Mary, THE MEATLOAF. FUCK!”

As men, I don’t know what kind of ego trip we’re on to think that chicks appreciate the anatomical atrocity that is our cock ‘n balls, but I also refuse to be told that my dick is ugly. The double standard is obnoxious. Chicks have no problem saying that our dicks are the stuff of nightmares but the moment we call a fat person fat, a fucking hashtag is born. The most frustrating part is that it’s not like we can drag our hogs to the gym and throw it on a treadmill to make it more attractive. We live and die with our dicks. And I’d be damned if I was going to let some fatass call it ‘the most deplorable thing I’ve seen since Two Girls, One Cup.’ FUCK YOU CHRISTINA, DELETE IT FROM YOUR PHONE THEN!

[h/t TFM]


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Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.