These Are The ONLY Times It’s Acceptable To Go To A Bar Alone

by 2 years ago
drinking alone

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It’s time for another installment of Ask A Bro. If you missed any back issue, catch up here. As always, send questions here.

Away we go…

Q: Dear bro, I come to you to help settle a dispute between me and my friends. Sometimes I go out by myself to a bar to just get out and enjoy some alone time, maybe meet new people and have a drink, thats it. This happen like once or twice a month if I’m feeling adventurous, and they say I’m an “alcoholic” because i know the bartenders on a first name basis and that it’s weird to go out by yourself. So the question is, do you think its weird to go to a bar alone?

A: This is a tough question but only because of my anti-social nature. I personally enjoy doing some things alone, especially activities that are believed to be “only for two or more people” like going to the movies or fucking. I can’t think of any social scenario when it’s unacceptable to go solo.

That said, I think there are specific situations in which a guy can go to a bar alone. These are all based on circumstance and are as follows…

1. When traveling: If you’re alone in a strange town, traveling for work, or just hiding from life, it’s perfectly acceptable to go out to a bar alone. The other option is to sit alone in your hotel room and drink. THAT’S the sign of a true alcoholic. Going out and drinking means you’re at least a social and functioning alcoholic.

2. When dealing with a break-up: Besides banging a new set of meat curtains IMMEDIATELY there are certain things a man can’t wait to do right after a split. One of them is going out drinking with friends and have the greatest time ever. The other is going out drinking alone to drown his sorrow.

3. When meeting friends: Technically, you won’t be alone for long. It’s acceptable to go out to meet friends and be alone. It makes it easier if you end up meeting someone or just want to give the group the old Irish goodbye.

4. When it’s lunchtime: The old liquid lunch. Taking the entire lunch hour to knock back a couple. ALWAYS go solo. The more people you add the mix the more likely your chances of getting caught when someone can’t hold their tequila back at the office.

5. When no one likes you: You know who you are. No one likes you. You couldn’t get someone to join you drinking even with a bribe. You basically have no choice. Drink up.

Q: *Disclaimer* this one is long: my roommate started seeing this girl off tinder who he met like 3 weeks ago. Already it’s gotten to serious, like he met her mom for brunch… AFTER SEEING THIS GIRL FOR TWO WEEKS!! Her aunt is already commenting on his Facebook pictures and shit already too, scary shit I know. Anyway this girl is like a solid 2, my roommate could do so much better. She has a really annoying laugh too, I wanna blow my brains out whenever she laughs. She’s over at our crib at least 4 times a week (and me and the bro share a room) And she’s just not that cool, she’s basic as hell. I’m wondering, would it be immoral of myself to break them up, and if it’s not, how would you suggest going about doing it. I’m sure he likes her and all but he’s just moving way to fast and settling hardcore. My boy could score at least a 6-9. Plus, he’s only known her for like 4 weeks now, tops. Thanks

A: He’s getting laid, you’re fapping to QVC models. Mind your own damn business.

Q: I have been hooking up with a guy on the regular for a couple of months. We have a lot of fun together, laugh lots and have really good conversation. Plus the sex is incredible. We have yet to have any “talk” about what we are, but I initiated the casual relationship because I wasn’t looking to be settled into anything. In classic girl fashion, I’ve grown sick of the dating scene and am ready to settle into a monogamous arrangement. This guy is a total catch, and I’ve definitely caught some feelings for him. How do I successfully graduate from casual hook up, to his full time honey?

A: You’ve got to have the talk because JESUS CHRIST IF WE DON’T LABEL THIS SITUATION THE EARTH WILL STOP SPINNING.

You could have cut this question in half if you just wrote “Dear Ask A Bro, I have a good thing going. What’s the quickest way to fuck it up?” and I could have just answered “have the talk,” and we could have saved time while continuing to laugh about that other guy jacking it to home shopping models.

Q: I have been exposed to some information that my “good” buddy and housemate has been talking shit behind my back to my ex, who he set me up with about a year ago. I’ll be leaving the state for work training in a few months so my question is, Do I just not say a word and wait until i’m about to leave town and then go off on him or do I get it out of the way now? Help a guy out here.

A: I’m a big fan of leaving then coming back randomly one day to punch him in the face. Almost like you’re a professional wrestler.

Disappear for weeks then one day he’s in line at Wendy’s and “MY GOD! MY GOD! That’s Bill’s theme music! It can’t be!!” and then appear from behind the counter and decimate him with a steel chair.

But I’m sure you’ve got a better, and legal, idea. Go with that.

Follow Chris on Twitter @chrisilluminatiSubmit Ask A Bro questions here or email Chris directly at cilluminati [@] gmail [dot] com.


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